raw

It’s time for Monday Night Raw and this episode on the way to The Biggest Party Of The Summer will certainly address a few snags. For one thing, Bayley is out of action due to a separated shoulder injury (thanks, Nia Jax) and Scott Dawson is also out with his own unfortunate injury.

The main event promises to be Braun Strowman and Roman Reigns in a Last Man Standing Match and those are always fun too. But who knows what else could happen on the way to SummerSlam. They say injuries come in 3’s so let’s hope everyone stays safe out there.

Opening Segment

They went right into the show without any promo package first because they’ve got a lot of ground to cover.

Miz TV was already set up in the ring with everyone wearing black suits except for Maryse. Miz said he wanted Jason Jordan to come out to the ring. He said he was sick of being blindsided and cheap-shotted on his own show.

Apparently, after so many episodes of Miz TV with Miz getting his ass handed to him, JJ was the straw that broke the camel’s back. But instead of JJ, his Papa Kurt Angle came out so people cheered. They also told him he sucks.

Angle said Jason won’t be on Miz TV tonight but he does have a match against Curtis Axel. But Angle has secured another guest for Miz TV.

Then Brock Lesnar’s music broke and the pop was ear shattering.

Miz looked shocked and in awe of the Beast Incarnate and Maryse left the ring promptly. The Miztourage stood in front of Brock while Paul Heyman began to speak. But instead Miz said, “when my hand goes up, your mouth goes shut Paul.”

This is when it dawned on me that the two best talkers in WWE are in the same ring right now. Miz said Brock will lose the Universal Title at SummerSlam and spouting a great promo while saying it was Paul’s fault.

Miz paraphrased Heyman by saying if Brock loses in Brooklyn they will leave WWE. Miz said he was putting his money on Roman Reigns (boo), Braun Strowman (cheer), and Samoa Joe (even bigger cheer and he got a “Joe” chant).

Miz said good riddance to bad rubbish and asked Paul if there was anything he would like to add while doing a great Paul Heyman impression. Then Heyman picked up the mic and people popped.

Heyman said after being put in his place by Miz his name is Paul Heyman… then he did the whole speech. Paul asked Miz if him and Maryse ever role play because Heyman’s all about the role play… yes, this is going there.

Then Paul said Miz was Roman, Dallas was Samoa Joe, and Curtis was Braun Strowman. After that Brock destroyed all of them.

Sooo if you’re keeping score at home, Kurt Angle booked his son Jason Jordan in a match against a guy he knew would be destroyed by Brock Lesnar. Miz and The Miztourage all ended up getting F5s.

Seth Rollins vs Sheamus

Burn It Down! That’s a nice addition to his song.

Seth is headed toward a Raw Tag Team Title match alongside Dean Ambrose (once he gets over that whole betrayal thing). But Dean wasn’t quite there yet when it came to forgiveness. So Seth had to take on Sheamus by himself.

I wouldn’t want to face Sheamus if it was a 10 vs 1 handicap match.

Seth jumped Sheamus at the bell and Sheamus went outside just to grab Seth as he jumped on him. Seth separated from Sheamus and leaped on him from the apron and it worked that time.

Seth was working quick and hit a springboard move once they got in the ring for a two count. Rollins kicked Sheamus down in the corner but The Celtic Warrior crotched Seth on the top rope as a reversal. The force of Seth’s junk shot sent him outside the ring and Sheamus followed him.

Seth took a bump on the apron from a slam from Sheamus and that looked like it hurt.

Sheamus tied Rollins up until Seth jaw-jacked his way out of it. But it was soon Sheamus’  turn to apply some punishment he teased a Ten Beats Of The Bohdran but then waved a finger at the crowd as the move was getting over. Sheamus hit a rolling senton instead and looked like he had Seth until Rollins caught him with a kick to the back of the head.

They teased a superplex but Sheamus knocked Seth down so Rollins returned with a leg scissors off the top followed by a superkick for a two count. Then Seth started kicking him in the head.

Seth hit a sling blade and knocked Cesaro off the apron. Then Rollins jumped on the top rope but Cesaro jumped on the apron again. Seth jumped down to deal with Cesaro but Sheamus rolled him up for a three count.

After the match, Seth tried to get even with a suicide dive on both of them but it didn’t turn out well. While the Raw Tag Team Champions beat on Rollins the crowd chanted for Ambrose and Michael Cole hyped him on commentary.

But Sheamus and Cesaro finished their attack without The Lunatic Fringe running down to save The Architect.

Later on, Rollins was walking backstage limping and coughing. He was really selling his injuries when he rolled up on Dean Ambrose.

Ambrose told him he said not to do that again and he said everyone thinks he’s a jerk now. Then Seth said he was a jerk and asked what he had to do to prove it to Dean he was different.

Dean said he’s not sticking it out to find out because he’s got Cesaro tonight. How ironic they’re both facing the Raw Tag Team Champions but they’re not together as a team and don’t plan on it. Huh…

Jason Jordan vs Curtis Axel

Kurt was seen backstage standing over Curtis Axel and told the medic tending to Axel he had to perform. The medic wouldn’t approve it so Angle walked over to some unknown local jobber and put him in the match. This doesn’t seem like Angle set this up at all.

Jason Jordan schooled this guy while the crowd chanted “let’s go jobber” on Raw. That’s a first.

Jason hit his neckbreaker along with a ton of other moves to win to a resounding boo from the live crowd. But the commentary team really put him over for being Gold Blooded.

Bayley’s Announcement

Bayley’s music hit and she came out with straight hair and her arm in a sling. “Get well Bayley” signs were in the crowd and she had to be interviewed because I guess she wouldn’t hold a microphone?

They showed the clip where Nia killed Bayley’s shoulder and The Hugger didn’t look up once to see the footage. Bayley said “it sucks” and she can’t watch the footage because it just makes her mad. She said she felt like something was wrong with her shoulder. But she told herself if she didn’t defeat Nia then nobody would take her seriously so she had to prove her wrong.

Bayley said she sat on her couch all week and got sad, angry, and bitter. But the fans make her feel a lot better. She said she’s thanking the ones who aren’t booing her and that only made people boo her more.

She said she’s going to put a smile on her face and look forward to coming back. The people were booing pretty badly.

Suddenly Sasha Banks’ music hit and she came out to the ring looking pretty chipper. Sasha hugged Bayley and the first match to determine the new #1 contender for the Raw Women’s Title would start next.

Sasha Banks vs Alicia Fox vs Emma

Michael Cole said there are no count outs or DQ. So why doesn’t Emma just grab a chair and start venting her frustration that way? Alexa Bliss came out to join commentary and said she doesn’t feel sorry for weak people. Sorry, Bayley.

Emma brought Sasha down hard on the ring apron to take her out. Then Emma got in the ring and tried to pin Foxy but it was awkward and a ton of “you can’t wrestle” chants broke out.

Fox later took control and hit a neat Northern Lights suplex on Emma for a two count but Emma hit a sliding kick to Foxy just in time to eat a shining wizard from a returning Sasha Banks.

The Boss hit her running knees on both girls on the corner and Emma tossed Banks out of the ring and covered Foxy. 1-2-and it should have been three because Fox didn’t kick out. “This ref sucks” chants broke out.

Canadian crowds are just awesome.

Sasha returned to the ring after taking Emma out and wrestled around with Foxy. There was a sloppy pin and then Banks hit the backstabber and the Banks Statement. Emma broke it up but got locked in a Banks Statement too and tapped out.

Alexa Bliss just stared forward with a blank expression.

Backstage Segment

Renee Young interviewed Braun Strowman where is said he was going to be the top monster on Raw. We believe him.

Enzo Amore Is Still Employed

Enzo jumped out after his music and everyone still did each word of his intro speech. He is still over as hell and you can’t teach that. Enzo didn’t get much time to talk though, he just introduced The Big Show.

Show came out with a slight grimace on his face. Enzo said him and Show were like a Dream Team. Enzo kept talking and Show brought out his fist.

Big Show said he can’t give his fist all the credit to his fist, because Big Cass’ SAWFT chin helped.

Then The Club came out and Enzo and Show looked very confused to see the Good Brothers.

Gallows and Anderson offered their services to beat another pair of nerds. Enzo said he didn’t hear a word they just said because he was distracted by that thought in his head. Enzo said he hated to be “that guy” and Show said “oh yeah, you hate to be that guy” — “it is what it is” Enzo replied. Then he called The Club Dr. Evil and Mini Me. LULZ!

Amore said, “get a referee out here and let’s have a match” apparently Raw GM Kurt Angle made this match official.

The Club vs Enzo and Big Show

Big Show started out by tossing Anderson down and The Club retreated up the ramp for a breather to collect themselves.

Anderson ate a boot from Enzo but still turned him inside out with a clothesline-ski. Enzo was a crash test dummy. No real surprise there. Enzo kept kicking out though.

They casually mentioned The Revival’s Scott Dawson and his bicep injury on commentary and said he’ll require surgery. That news sucks so hard.

Enzo didn’t get to The Big Show. Enzo tried to fight back with some punches while Corey Graves called him scrappy but he never gets tired of kicking him in the face.

Then Big Cass came out to the ramp. Show got distracted and Gallows kicked him off the apron with a big boot. Anderson got the tag and they tried to set Enzo up with the Magic Killer but Enzo fought out and tried to pin Gallows while Anderson kicked his face in and got the three count on The Realest Guy In The Room.

Big Cass waited on the outside and hit Big Show with a big boot. Lotta bigs going on in that last sentence.

Enzo hit Cass with a plancha but it didn’t do him many favors. Cass destroyed Enzo with some throws into the barricade and tossed him in the ring. But Enzo wisely rolled out of the ring. Cass continued to stalk Enzo around the ring and into a Knockout Punch from Big Show.

Good thing Enzo has Big Show to fight his battles for him now. It’s the only look that works for him. “How you doing?!” Show yelled at Cass over and over again as his music hit and they exited up the ramp. Oh, and Big Show did the “running man” while Enzo laughed.

Finn Balor and Bray Wyatt Continues

Everybody loves Finn Balor, especially the smarks that showed up for Raw. Balor got the mic and cut a promo on Wyatt. But first, he had to make the Toronto crowd pop by saying “This is Balor Club.”

“Too Sweet” chants broke out and Finn “too sweeted” the entire Raw crowd. Balor talked about how Bray loves to talk and said he gives him the creeps.

Bray cares less about winning and more about hurting people while causing fear. But Finn said he’s learned that when fear comes knocking he stands up and kicks fear in the face. Then Balor said the next time Bray comes at him he better not miss.

“Whatever you wanna start I will finish” then the screen went all Wyatty and Bray Wyatt was in the center of the ring while Finn was chilling on the top rope. Bray lunged at Finn but he jumped over him and caught him with a kick to the face, a sling blade, and then the screen went all Wyatt-y again and Bray was on the big screen laughing away.

Bray said “they all will fall down” and told Finn to run.

Dean Ambrose vs Cesaro

Cesaro and Sheamus came out for the second time and Corey Graves said The Swiss Cyborg tripped coming out but it didn’t catch it on camera though he did look like he was running out a little bit. They ended up calling it his “happy dance”… nice.

Dean Ambrose came out to a very nice pop from the live crowd too. But it was no Brock Lesnar pop.

Dean tried to wrestle Cesaro but the Swiss Superman eventually turned it around on him. Dean hit a shoulder tackle that stunned Cesaro and they reset.

Then a test of strength busted out even though Cole called it a collar and elbow tie-up. Cesaro muscled Dean to the mat and tried to secure some pinfalls but Dean kept getting his shoulder up. Dean powered out and monkey flipped Cesaro and they each found a corner.

Cesaro backed Dean into the corner and kept muscling him around the ring with forearms. FOREARM CITY NEEDS TO BE A SHIRT.

Dean countered and started hammering away at Cesaro with right hands. But Cesaro used Ambrose’s momentum when he mounted him in the corner to drive Dean’s face into the turnbuckle.

Cesaro hit a clothesline for another two count. That was a stiff clothesline.

Dean fought out of Cesaro’s grasp but Cesaro landed a kick. Ambrose hit a swinging neckbreaker that sent Cesaro out of the ring. Ambrose hit a dive on Cesaro and Dean put him back in the ring.

Sheamus distracted Dean to give Cesaro the opening to hit him with a shot from behind.

Once they returned to the ring Cesaro maintained control. He climbed to the top rope but Dean jumped up to join him. Cesaro hit a headbutt to separate him but Deano jumped back up. Then Cesaro started hitting more headbutts and Ambrose got crotched by the turnbuckle.

Cesaro grabbed Dean and looked like he was going to suplex him out of the ring, but Dean countered at the last moment to superplex Cesaro into the ring to save his career.

Dean jumped and Cesaro caught him and twisted him into a backbreaker for a two count. Cesaro hit a forearm to Dean’s lower back and then he did it again. But a third time was not the charm because Dean started firing back. He hit Cesaro with several more shots and Cesaro returned with another uppercut.

Then Michael Cole said “uppercut city!”

Cesaro got Dean up in a torture rack but Dean fought out. Dean started laying in the clotheslines until the final blow finally took Cesaro down. Ambrose went for a turnbuckle clothesline but Cesaro moved and hit another uppercut for a two count. YAY!

Cesaro locked in a gut-wrench suplex and hit two in a row for a two count. “He may be lifeless but he was able to kick out and remain alive in this match up” Cole said.

Deano lifted his boot into Cesaro’s face and jumped off a turnbuckle over Cesaro. The Swiss Superman tried to lock Dean in a sharpshooter while the Canadian crowd began to pop.

Cesaro ended up on the outside and Ambrose went for a suicide dive only to get an uppercut to the face for a two count.

They ended up fighting on the turnbuckle again and Cesaro looked like he was going to hit another superplex. Dean blocked it though and Hulked up. Cesaro got dumped on his face and Ambrose rolled him up for a two count.

Dean and Cesaro have taken each other to the limit at this point and the resulted in just trading punches and uppercuts. Dean hit a clothesline after bouncing off the middle rope in the way he likes to do. Corey Graves called it a Lunatic Lariat — please tell me that’s what they’re going to keep calling it!

Suddenly Cesaro locked Dean in a sharpshooter and wouldn’t let go. Dean finally got to the ropes right in front of Sheamus.started toying with Dean by slapping him. Ambrose launched Cesaro over the top rope to the floor and Dean hit a crazy elbow dive off the top rope to the floor.

Cesaro started toying with Dean by slapping him. Ambrose launched Cesaro over the top rope to the floor and Dean hit a crazy elbow dive off the top rope to the floor.

Once they got in the ring, Sheamus tried to distract Dean but it didn’t work and Ambrose rolled Cesaro up for a three count because that’s the way all great matches on Raw have to end anymore.

Sheamus jumped in the ring and started pummeling Ambrose but it didn’t take long for Seth’s music to hit and The Architect ran down to save his former Shield brethren.

Dean rolled around on the mat for a minute and Seth stood above him. Dean just looked up at Rollins as the crowd cheered that these two guys were in the same ring. In the old days Rollins would curb stomp Ambrose, but since that move is dead they just stood there.

“Yes,” chants broke out as Seth and Dean looked at each other. Ambrose said something to Rollins and then looked away. Ambrose looked like he was trying to contain something big and then suddenly he offered his fist to Rollins for a big pop from the crowd.

Suddenly Seth shook his head and walked away. What? Suddenly he changed his mind? What a fist bump tease!

Backstage Segment

Titus Worldwide was backstage celebrating with Tozawa for his Cruiserweight Title shot. Suddenly Neville walked up to them and talked some mean heel trash. He said he’s not there to fight, he’s there to scope out his competition for SummerSlam.

It was pretty intense. Neville does make a great heel champion.

Ariya Daivari vs Akira Tozawa

Tozawa came down showing off a Titus Brand t-shirt although he didn’t wear it, he just held it up to the camera. Titus tried to give the t-shirt and told him he’d look good in it.

The cruiserweights are no longer getting the “purple rope treatment” and that’s actually a good thing. Daivari took control of the match early on but hitting a backbreaker for a two count.

Ariya talked some trash before Tozawa chopped his chest a few times but Daivari turned it around and got another two count. Daivari kept trying to pin Tozawa but he kept kicking out.

Tozawa got one of his chants going while he Hulked out of a rest hold. Akira hit a takedown and sent Daivari out of the ring. Tozawa hit a suicide dive and rolled Daivari into the ring for a two count. Everyone kicks out after suicide dives now.

Daivari started hammering on Tozawa’s bad shoulder while Titus kept saying it’s healed. Tozawa got Daivari down and hit a Senton Bomb for the win.

Backstage Segment

Roman Reigns was interviewed by Renee when he said he didn’t watch Miz TV. He said he wasn’t afraid to retire the Undertaker and he won’t hesitate to do the same to Lesnar. Neat.

He also said he’s going to be the last man standing against Braun Strowman… like he was going to say he was going to lose.

Mickie James vs Dana Brooke vs Nia Jax

Well, this is really going to be no surprise. Why didn’t they just set Nia vs Sasha up to begin with to determine the #1 contender for Alexa’s title? Bliss joined the commentary team for this match too.

Nia tossed both ladies around the ring and Mickie got twisted like a top. Nia picked up Mickie and tossed her at Dana. They both ran out of the ring as Nia took a post and went outside.

Mickie and Dana traded forearms and started clubbing at each other. Mickie hit a kick and Dana tried for a suplex but James landed on her feet. Mickie hit a Code Breaker for a two count.

Then Nia came in the ring and bulldozed Mickie and Dana.

Bliss said if it weren’t for her Mickie James would still be at home singing songs about cows and having her boots in the mud. Nice. All this was being said as Jax killed Dana in the ring. Mickie tried to get a pin from a top rope knee drop, but it was to no avail.

Nia clotheslined Dana down and hit a leg drop for the win while Sasha Banks stood backstage looking pretty unhappy about facing Nia Jax next week.

Nia motioned to Alexa from the ring signifying she wanted that title. She might just get it too if she murders everyone else on her way to get a piece of Bliss.

Goldust Promo

The Golden One cut a promo where he quoted The Graduate on Raw. He asked if we missed him and said: “of course you did.” He cut a promo about how much love he has. Then he hyped SummerSlam and said he will be watching very closely. So I guess that answers the question of whether or not Goldy is going to get a match at The Biggest Party Of The Summer.

We were only moments away from the Last Man Standing Match while we wondered where the Hardys and Samoa Joe were all night after having such big weeks on the last Raw. Especially The Hardy Boyz, this was kind of annoying.

Backstage Segment

Big Cass walked up to Kurt Angle and said he wanted Enzo suspended above the ring while he turned The Big Show into “seven feet of failure”… Seven Feet Of Failure sounds like a sick Sublime cover band.

Then Angle booked a Big Show vs Big Cass match at SummerSlam with Enzo suspended above the ring in a shark cage. Fun! They’ll be able to sell more of those Mattel Playsets!

Braun Strowman vs Roman Reigns (Last Man Standing Match)

They got started up the ramp in the middle of Roman’s entrance and Braun tossed Roman in the ring like he weighed ten pounds. Roman tried to get Braun up for a Samoan Drop but Braun hammered him down.

Strowman stood over Roman and beat him down. Then he hammered him down with an elbow. This was getting violent and everyone loved it. Roman got up at the count of four that time.

Braun tossed Roman into the turnbuckle and Reigns hit his ribs hard but Strowman got him up just to beat on him some more. Roman shot off the ropes and tried to get a move on Braun but Strowman bounced him down and onto the floor. Roman got back on his feet at the last moment that time.

Braun grabbed the ring steps and heaved them into the ring. He’d been beating on Roman for a while now but The Big Dog wouldn’t stay down. Once they got back in the ring Roman started fighting back and hammered Braun in the corner with some clotheslines. Then he hit Roman with a couple boots but Strowman wouldn’t go down.

Roman hit Braun with those ring steps and that brought him down to his knees but he got up at the count of two. Then Roman destroyed Braun’s face with the steps and Reigns smashed the steps on him several times before throwing them out of the ring.

Braun got back on his feet as Roman geared up for the Superman Punch. Braun caught Roman and sent him into the turnbuckle. Then Braun caught Reigns again and slammed him down to the mat.

Roman got back on his feet at the ref’s count of eight and Strowman stalled before picking The Big Dog back up. Roman got out and ran right into Strowman who lifted him right into a SuperMan Punch that sent both men to the ground. That was messy.

They got up and Roman ran for a spear as Braun hit him with a sick dropkick for a guy his size. Braun Strowman is the only guy who can make a simple drop kick look like a finisher.

Braun ended up on the outside after Roman ducked a charge and the ref kept counting. Both men made it to their feet and Roman left the ring after stalling a bit. Braun got hit with a drive-by that he was waiting for.

Roman lifted the apron and looked under the ring. Roman grabbed a table while “we want tables” chants started to ring out. Roman went for another drive-by but Braun clotheslined him onto the apron.

Then Strowman climbed back in the ring to redecorate the ring by setting up a table.

Braun yelled at Roman and walked him over to the table. But Roman started fighting back as the crowd started to boo. Then Roman muscled Braun into a Samoan Drop though the table.

“How could you not be impressed by Roman Reigns?!” Michael Cole shouted passionatly.

But even after that sick table spot, Braun rolled out of the ring and landed on his feet to break the ref’s ten count. Roman yelled at the ceiling again and ran around to Braun but Strowman just heaved an office chair through Roman’s face.

It was like everyone’s dream of what they want to do with their desk chair at work. Holy cow!

But Roman still got up. Good lord. I could watch the replay of that forever.

Roman and Braun started walking through the crowd while Braun was stalking Roman. They were obviously walked to the finishing spot so it’s hard to make that seem less awkward if you’re trudging across an arena.

Braun and Roman started brawling at the announce table and Roman hit a drive-by on Braun. But Strowman got up.

Strowman tossed Roman into the big screen and the picture started to blink like it was short circuiting. Then Strowman picked him up and drove him into the screen again. While the referee counted, Braun walked over to the announce table and started clearing it off.

Braun set Roman up for a powerbomb through the announce table but Reigns squirmed out of it and hit two Superman Punches but Strowman was still on his feet. Then Roman set up for a spear by caught a knee to the face from Braun.

But then Roman geared up and hit a massive spear down the entrance ramp as Graves mentioned how Reigns used that ramp as a runway.

Suddenly Samoa Joe jumped out of the crowd and grabbbed Roman Reigns.

There’s Joe! Now where were The Hardys?

Samoa Joe choked Roman out and left him laying there while the referee started the count again.

“Thank you, Joe” chants broke out as he stood there and waited to see if Roman would get back up. Braun did get up though and the referee counted to ten while Roman remained lifeless on the ground.

Joe stood there and talked some trash while Braun raised his hands in victory. But Roman Reigns was still unconscious lying at the base of the entrance ramp.