Opening Segment Walks With Elias

Elias strummed his guitar after being introduced himself then he tore into his acoustic and got to shred it up a little bit. Can Raw just be 2 hours of Elias strumming the guitar and then Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn could host an hour-long talk show?

As he continued it was pretty clear how over Elias was at this point and it is really quite impressive. Elias said he was using the pain of losing one of his favorite guitars last week to write another song. Then he strummed along and sang a song a man falling down as the showed footage from last week. Elias took a jab at the local sports team and then Seth Rollins came down.

People were into Elias until he said something about The Rocket losing to Golden State. Houston didn’t like that too much at all. Rollins grabbed a chair and there was a Houston standoff in the ring.

Rollins popped off a chair shot and Elias dropped the guitar. Then just as Seth was about to hit him in the corner Jinder Mahal jumped in to beat Seth down as well.

Roman Reigns’ music hit next and people popped pretty huge for the Big Dog in Houston. After Reigns helped the fight a little bit, Kurt Angle came out and everyone chanted “you suck!”

Angle did a little intro because he’s awesome and then he booked a tag match to start right now because WWE is predictable.

Jinder Mahal and Elias vs Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins

Seth took some bumps from the bad guys until Roman got the tag and Reigns got his hands on Jinder a little early before Money In The Bank.

Elias took a boot from Roman and then Reigns cocked his fist for a Superman Punch but Jinder Mahal took a hit when distracting him. Suddenly Reigns followed Jinder for some reason and Sunil Singh distracted him only to get jumped from behind by the Modern Day Maharaja.

After this, Roman Reigns sold for s bit and Jinder Mahal got a lot of aggression out on him followed with Elias getting some of Reigns too. Roman hit a Samoan Drop to cause separation then he tagged Seth in who came in on fire and hit Elias with a Sling Blade and Blockbuster for a near fall.

Mahal jumped in to break up a pin and Roman soared in out of nowhere with a Superman Punch on Mahal. Then Reigns hit a driveby on the outside to keep him down. Seth got Elias down and geared up for the CURB STOMP. I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU SAY, I’M GOING TO SAY CURB!

Reigns got destroyed on some steps by Mahal and Sunil Singh and then he was launched over the barricade.

Seth went outside to check on Roman and Sunil almost hit Rollins but he backed down and then ran through the ring. Seth followed and Elias hit a DDT on the chair. It was a very fluid move and well done but it was still a DDT on a chair right in front of the referee and he didn’t ring the bell.

All it took was Elias hitting the Drift Away and he beat Rollins before their match at MITB. Neat.

Winner: Elias and Jinder Mahal via pinfall

They showed Bruce Prichard at ringside and that was pretty awesome.

Curt Hawkins And His Tacos

Hawkins was in the ring and there were some tacos on a table at the base of the ramp. Then Hawkins said if he wins tonight and breaks his losing streak of 199.

He introduced a jobber named James Harden and then proceeded to beat him down and rag doll him a little bit until Harden turned around and started hitting some shots.

Hawkins nailed him with a shot to lay him out and then as he was gearing up for the final shot, Baron Corbin came out to his amazing entrance music. Baron Corbin hit the End of Days on Hawkins’ jobber and the referee DQ’ed him.

Hawkins went after Corbin but Baron piefaced him with some tacos and tipped the table over on Curt to end the segment.

Baron Corbin went backstage and read a message to Kurt Angle from Stephanie McMahon that made him the new constable of Monday Night Raw.

Nia Jax vs Natalya

Ronda Rousey was on commentary during this match which is where she was last week too. That seems to be a good place for her. After all, she can talk well in interviews and fielded some questions nicely.

Nia and Nattie tried to do what they could in the ring while Michael Cole asked Rousey what she thought about Jax saying she was “ripe for the picking” and Rousey replied that only her husband can say she’s ripe for the picking so that was fun.

Jax kept Nattie down in a headlock and then Nattie caused some separation with a dropkick. Rousey said judo is about using her opponent’s energy and momentum against them and there’s a lot of that with Nia.

Nattie got Nia Jax into the corner and then she hit a discus clothesline for a two count and then they sold a lot. Natalya fired up the crowd and it looked him Nattie tweaked her knee, Nia hit a Samoan Drop, 1-2-3 and that was it.

Winner: Nia Jax via pinfall

Ronda was ready for anything but she just hopes Nattie’s alright. What a true friend. Nia stood over Nattie as she sold an injured knee. Then Rousey asked someone to hold her headphone and she went to the ring.

Nia was trying to see if Nattie was alright and Rousey wouldn’t let her check on her. Then Rousey told her to go as Natalya seemed pretty upset about her banged up knee. But she was able to walk out on her own. Nia Jax stook and watched them walk up the ramp looking irritated while Michael Cole put over how Nia Jax looked concerned and Corey Graves mentioned how Nattie is a mentor for all WWE Superstars.

Braun Strowman vs Bobby Roode

Strowman ragdolled Roode around a bit until he took a shoulder to the post because it does that spot in every match at this point and so does anyone else over 6-feet-tall.

Bobby got out a ladder and stretched the ladder from the ring apron to the barricade and then he went back in the ring only to lure Braun Strowman out of the ring like he was Bugs Bunny. Strowman chased Bobby around the ring but he stopped at the ladder. “What are you gonna do now big boy?” Roode asked before Strowman smashed the ladder in two.

All of this was so Braun could throw up his arms and break the ladder in half that was obviously gimmicked. But it was still pretty cool.

after tjat tjeu hpt nacl om tje romh and Braun won a running powerslam for the win.

Winner: Bruan Strowman via those hands

Natalya and Ronda were in the trainers room and Natalya’s knee was all bandaged up with ice. Nia went in to check on her. Then Rousey and Nia got in a battle of who Nattie’s friend is and she said that she needed a minute to herself and left while Ronda and Nia looked off in the same direction for way to long before they cut to the ring.

#1 Contender Raw Tag Team Battle Royal

Since Drew McIntyre and Dolph Ziggler are in this match it makes it even more interesting. But seeing how the B Team has been working with the Deleter Of Worlds at house shows gave us a good idea what might happen.

Bray Wyatt cut a promo before the match saying they’re not men, they’re Woken Warriors, fireflies, and gods. “Then they will finally understand what it means to be Woken!”

Matt took the microphone next and had a little fun too. He said they’re unmatched, unparalleled, and unstoppable and they have Woken the entire WWE Universe. Then he asked Renee Young if she considers herself Woken. “Well, yep,” Renee said sounding unsure. Matt thought this was WONDERFUL anyway.

Then Bray said it didn’t matter who wins tonight because they will be DELETED. This team is actually finally working for me. It just clicked in this promo and they’re already the Raw Tag Team Champions so that’s cool.

All of the teams got entrances with the B Team and Dolph and Drew going last. Then it was on and a melee of people being thrown around the ring and absolute chaos from there.

They rang the bell and everyone started going while JoJo hadn’t even announced the match or the rules and then she had to barrel through as everyone went at it. It was quite funny to watch and you know there was someone just telling her to go ahead and read her lines anyway.

Tyler Breeze eliminated Dolph Ziggler after a pretty great little spot on the apron. Drew McIntyre was pissed and destroyed everyone while Dolph Ziggler jumped in to help out. They hit the Claymore/Zig Zag on Bo Dallas and then the referees ran them off. That was the correct way to eliminate them, absolutely great booking decision there.

Titus was eliminated during the break when he slid over the top rope after missing a big boot. The Ascension was eliminated and then Fandango was too. The Revival beat on everyone one at a time proving how great they are until Rhyno eliminated Dash Wilder which was unfortunate.

It was Slater/Rhyno and the B Team as the final two teams and after Axel hit Rhyno with a DDT they struggled to get him over the top rope. But when they finally did Rhyno stayed on the apron. Then Heath Slater picked up Axel and spun him around accidentally knocking Rhyno off the apron.

As the B Team celebrated their win like they won the Superbowl, Corey Graves talked about how Curtis Axel and Bo Dallas now have a chance to a lifetime.

Winners: The B Team

Bobby Lashley

Lashley came out in a white suit and baseball hat because he gets to wear baseball hats on television because he’s cool.

Bobby called out Sami Zayn and his music hit, but Zayn didn’t come out. Instead, he was already in the arena and in the crowd. Zayn said he’s not geting in there because Bobby assaulted him when he wasn’t ready last time they were in the ring by squeezing his hand.

Then Sami Zayn brought up Bobby Lashley’s Instagram and read a couple of his tweets while Lashley looked on at Zayn with an astonished look on his face while he watched how great Zayn is on the microphone. Seriously, he’s breaking out in a big way in this awful feud. So at least we’re getting that out of Zayn vs Lashley.

Zayn said Bobby’s Instagram is good, a little too good. Then he turned total heel and said simple Texas folks might think those inspirational quotes are great. But Zayn logged under a different name on Instagram and sent Bobby a message.

He said something about how he sent Bobby a DM posing to be a fan and Bobby sent him back a link to his website where you can apparently buy all sorts of merch. Zayn started walking up the arena saying he doesn’t talk to liars.

Bobby said he would appreciate it if he didn’t try to get over at the expense of his reputation. Then Sami Zayn said maybe Lashley didn’t even serve in the military and he got very angry about that.

Alexa Bliss, Ember Moon, and Sasha Banks vs Riott Squad

Bliss got out of the match early by faking an injured leg as Sasha and Ember looked on like they couldn’t believe she was doing that.

Ember Moon took a bunch of damage from the Riott Squad as they tagged in and out to apply damage to her. Finally Sasha Banks got the hot tag and leveled Liv Morgan with a backhand before knocking Logan and Ruby off the apron.

Morgan flattened Banks but she kicked out at two. Later on Banks hit both Logan and Ruby with a dive off the top and when there was nobody to tag, Bayley came in and got the tag because apparently that’s how you join a match.

Bayley hit Logan with a Bayley To Belly and won the match. That made no sense and Corey Graves agreed on commentary.

Winner: The Babyfaces

Angle and his new BFF Baron Corbin. The Lone Wolf was upset about Bayley inserting herself in the match and told Angle to go find the babyfaces and tell them their win didn’t count.

“Thank god for the constable,” Corey Graves said.

The babyface women were backstage where Ember said Bayley saved them and Sasha thanked her for having their back. They had a little moment and Moon said they need to hug it out because she wants to celebrate.

Then Angle walked up and said since Bayley wasn’t officially in the match then the Riott Squad won via DQ. Everyone was bummed and elsewhere Baron Corbin was giving referee John Cone some crap for this call during the match.

But seriously, John Cone would be totally cool with this going down seeing how he let his son Nicholas tag with Braun Strowman at WrestleMania 34.

Finn Balor vs Kevin Owens

Kevin slapped Finn in the back of the head and asked if that was too sweet before rolling outside.

Once they returned, Kevin took control with a headlock to wear his opponent down. Then Balor flipped Owens around and got an armlock on him in return. Owens stomped away at Finn and the referee really got in his face about it.

Michael Cole put over Baron Corbin as the new constable of Raw. Then Owens whipped Balor hard into the corner to snap his neck back. But Balor jumped up and caused Kevin to roll out of the ring to safety.

Balor landed a kick to the head as Owens was on the top rope and then Owens rolled out of the ring again so Finn hit a dive over the rope on KO.

Owens eventually got the upper hand in the ring once more and forced Balor down with an armlock. But KO missed a senton when Finn rolled out of the way. Balor sprung up and hit a double stomp and prepared for Kevin to get back up. Balor landed a few shots to Kevin Owens in the corner.

Owens nailed a superkick for a two count. Kev tried for a pop-up powerbomb but Balor countered with a shotgun dropkick followed climbing up for a Coup De Gras. Owens knocked Balor’s feet out from under him and then Kev just kept kicking Balor down in the corner.

The referee called for the bell giving the match to Finn Balor but after the match, Kevin Owens still climbed up and gave him a frog splash just to prove a point.

Winner: Everyone

Owens dragged a ladder out from under the ring and slid it under the ropes. Owens sat the ladder up in the middle of the ring and climbed up to get a briefcase but he changed his mind and turned around to face Balor. He teased a frog splash a couple of times before Balor jumped up and dragged Owens down.

Balor hit a shotgun dropkick and then stood on the top of the ladder where he delivered a sick Coup De Gras off the to. Then Balor climbed up and grabbed the green briefcase just to prove a point.



Previous articleImpact Wrestling Merges Two Title Belts, Natalya Hypes Up Raw Match
Next articleBaron Corbin Gets New Job On WWE Raw
Aaron Varble hasn’t just been writing for more than a decade in various formats including sketch comedy, stand up, television, radio, and other various projects; nor is he just another professional wrestling fan with a master's degree in journalism and Tourette’s syndrome. He's always looking to explore the why not with the why and the how come along with the how. Follow on Twitter @TheVarble