total divas

It’s been six seasons and the mid-season finale of Total Divas is upon us. Even though they have been calling it the WWE women’s division for almost an entire year now, Total Divas has yet to transition its name into being called Total Women.

The show starts with Nikki and John Cena at dinner. Nikki is nervous about her upcoming doctor’s appointment and her final cat scan. Nikki makes a proposition to John that they have a match against each other when she comes back, and wonders what it would be like to be in Cena’s finishing maneuver, to which he replies that he tries to give her an Attitude Adjustment every night.

Maryse, Renee, and Lana are in the gym working out when Lana brings up the upcoming nuptials between Lana and Rusev. Lana says that they are having a circus themed wedding. Maryse has a huge problem with this and starts bringing up the plight and regular torture of elephants. Lana says she wants live elephants at her wedding anyway.

Naomi and Jimmy Uso are backstage when she brings up the proposition that they might get drafted to different brands during the upcoming Brand Split. Jimmy tells her to remain positive. Paige and Alberto Del Rio were probably somewhere else having this exact same conversation (albeit not filmed) but for some reason this made it on television because it was probably much more WWE friendly.

Maryse and Miz are backstage when she says that she doesn’t want to go to Lana’s wedding if there will be live elephants, to which Miz supports her decision and says that if she doesn’t go, he won’t go.

Renee and Nattie are in a different part of the backstage area when Renee says that she is bringing Dean Ambrose home to meet her parents. Natayla brings up the fact that first impressions are everything and suggests that Renee have a conversation with the Lunatic Fringe that he needs to make a good first impression. Good luck with that.

Dean and Renee make their way to a sports utility vehicle and while Renee drives she jokingly brings up the fact that they will eventually move to Toronto. Dean asks if there will be tension between Renee and her mom because he is trying to steal her away from them, to which Renee simply laughs.

Nikki is in the hospital preparing for her final cat scan. She says this is important because she wants to come back to the ring in time to be drafted.

Renee and Dean are at home and Renee begs Ambrose to comb his hair before he meets the mother. Dean says that she shouldn’t worry because they’re going to be one big happy Canadian family. As soon as Renee Young’s mother shows up Dean gives her a beer and makes a poop joke at Renee’s expense. Dean suggests that they go bungee jumping and Renee says that he would never do that, to which she replies that half of his job description is jumping off of things.

Back at the hospital, Nikki prepares for her scan and looks rather nervous while in the waiting room. The doctor comes in and they prepare for the cat scan. After her scan, the doctor shows Nikki her results and clears her for a return. He asks her what her sister is planning on doing and she says that Brie is retiring and having children. The doctor asks if Nikki is auditioning new people to be her tag team partner to witch Nikki replies that she is going solo.

We join Lana and the Bulgarian Brute at their swimming pool when Lana mentions that Maryse was being mean about the elephants in the wedding. Lana says that she wants a flower arch for her wedding to which Rusev replies that he doesn’t want one because it will cost way too much money. Lana says that Rusev is cheap and doesn’t think that flowers should cost anything.

Nikki and Natayla are at lunch when Nikki breaks the news that the doctor has cleared her to return to the ring. They bring up the importance of the draft coming even closer and Nikki says that she wants to be the one that chooses when her career is over.

Back in Canada-land, the new “Big Happy Canadian Family” are getting out of their car when Dean brings up the fact that Renee’s mom just farted in front of everybody. They go to dinner and are sitting in an outside area of the restaurant when some drunk guy reaches over the bushes and steals Renee’s hat. Dean jumps the bushes and runs after them. He confronts the men outside and gets in their face in front of a group of people who are now gathering around them. Dean looks like he wants to fight them. He makes the man say that “I am a drunk asshole and I apologize.” Renee is upset and asks Dean if he plans on going back to dinner and acting like nothing happened, he replies that he does. Mr. Ambrose starts making casual conversation like nothing happened out of the ordinary just happened at all and Renee seems quite upset.

Nikki Bella finds herself at the WWE Performance Center and prepares for some in-ring work. The trainer has her bounce off the ropes a little bit and she is quickly winded. Nikki says that there is a big difference between being in shape and being in ring shape. She says that she totally feels like a beginner right now.

Back in Canada, Dean and Renee Young’s mommy are having shots a bar when Renee reluctantly joins them. Dean says he wants to play a game of human frogger and run across the busy street… He has probably had too much to drink by that point, Renee doesn’t seem happy with her lunatic bae.

Nikki joins Lana and Rusev at a ranch in Malibu where they plan on having their wedding. Rusev says that he has a surprise, and the three of them go outside to see what it is. Daniel Bryan and Brie just arriving with their dog Winston in tow, when Nikki notices a Lamborghini in the parking lot. Rusev says that the Lamborghini is the surprise…for himself.

Back in Canada Dean, Renee and her mother are at another bar (Canadians drink a lot) when Renee says that it is too early to do shots. She says that it is time for Dean to rein himself back a little bit, because yesterday got out of hand. Renee and mama go clothes shopping and her mom asks Renee what is wrong. Dean sits outside the store on the sidewalk while he has some trouble sitting on the stool and starts commenting to a passersby that it is a quality stool. As Renee and her mother have a heart to heart in the store the camera cuts back to Dean who is now using one of the stools as a makeshift bongo drum. Nobody is seen giving him tips, although Dean would have probably accepted them.

Back in Malibu, Lana and Nikki sit poolside while they discuss the fact that Rusev isn’t taking the wedding all that seriously. Lana doesn’t know why she has to take her husband’s last name and Nikki says that this is the kind of thing they should have had figured out before they walk down the aisle. They have a lot to figure out in 24 hours.

Meanwhile, in Canada Renee apologizes to Dean and says that she wasn’t trying to change him or put him in a weird spot. She admits that she didn’t realize how much she was trying to make him behave in a way he didn’t want to behave and says that she needs to pay more attention to that. The two hug and makeup. Dean says that Renee’s mom and himself are best friends and German suplexes Renee onto the bed.

They then go outside for a party with Renee and all of her closest friends when she starts playing with nunchucks and Dean uses them to gag her. That is love.

Back in Malibu, the Lamborghini pulls up and Lana gets out saying that she hates that car. All of the women are at the reception eating and drinking wine as Nikki proudly shows a video on her phone of herself hitting the ropes for the first time in months.

They go outside where Dean gives Rusev a hug and Daniel Bryan tells Rusev that he can’t sleep with Lana the night before the wedding. Rusev looks confused by this custom and doesn’t quite understand it, saying that they aren’t going to be doing anything, but Daniel says that is not the point and tries his best to explain the tradition. Rusev still doesn’t seem to understand the concept of not seeing the bride the day of the wedding.

On the day of the wedding, Maryse and Miz send Lana and Rusev some elephant statues with a very nice card explaining the importance of elephants.

Lana looks incredibly nervous as the wedding begins. But, when she walks out she sees the flower arch that Rusev had told her earlier he wasn’t going to get. The beachfront wedding goes off without a hitch and Rusev has very sentimental vows. It is refreshing to see Rusev show such a human side of himself that fans don’t get to see the other times he’s on WWE television because he’s acting so monstrous. The minister, who is also Lana’s father has a terrible time pronouncing Rusev shoot last name and Rusev finally has to say it for him. His shoot last name is Barnyashev, try saying that without some practice first.

Maryse and Miz show up at the wedding anyway and join everyone at the circus-themed reception complete with carnival games, creepy clowns, and cotton candy. During the reception, Rusev points out the fact that the DJ pronounced his last name correctly when Lana’s father couldn’t.

Suddenly, Nikki gets an email on her phone and beckons her sister over to look at it. Nikki says this is the worst news anyone could have ever gotten. The email says that she cannot be a part of the upcoming draft, worse news has probably been given to people. Daniel tries to console her by explaining that she just had a serious neck surgery. Lana dances away at the reception during the reception to close the segment.

At SmackDown Live, the superstars prepare themselves for the upcoming brand split. Eva Marie says that nobody really has security going into the draft because if someone isn’t drafted their future is uncertain.

Nikki Bella trains hard at the WWE performance Center away from the rest of the roster while the SmackDown Live brand split draft commences. Paige says that she is absolutely petrified because she doesn’t know if she will ever wrestle again, this is the only time you see everyone’s favorite British crumpet in the episode.

Nattie says that everything is about to change as all of the women gather around the television screen to watch the draft unfold in front of them while the screen cuts to Nikki by herself in the Performance Center training away.