It’s 3/16 which means…it’s Austin 3:16 day. We hope you’re drinking a bunch of Steveweisers somewhere and celebrating appropriately. If there’s one thing that this day always reminds us of, it’s how much we miss Stone Cold Steve Austin. The WWE roster always gets out of line from time to time and Stone Cold used to be there to keep everyone in check. Now there’s no one to hand out stunners which is a damn shame because there are plenty of people who deserve a stunner or two.

We put together a list of people in the WWE who need a Stone Cold Stunner to set them straight. Who do you think needs to get hit with the stunner?


#8 – Brad Maddox


Truth be told, Brad Maddox is kind of a little bitch and Stone Cold just doesn’t like that. Brad hasn’t done anything particularly wrong but Stone Cold would just want to stun this son of a bitch in order to make a man out of him.



#7 – Alberto Del Rio


Alberto Del Rio has been begging for a Stone Cold Stunner for a very long time. This Mexican aristocrat has a strong sense of entitlement and although he hasn’t been featured as prominently lately, he still needs a stunner to set him straight.



#6 – Kane


The fact of the matter is, Kane is part of The Authority now and if there’s one thing Stone Cold Steve Austin doesn’t like, it’s authority. Kane wouldn’t get very far in a confrontation with Steve Austin nowadays because there’s no doubt he would have a stunner locked, loaded and ready to go.



#5 – Bray Wyatt


There’s no doubt that if Bray Wyatt tried to cut one of his crazy man promos on Steve Austin good old Stone Cold just wouldn’t stand for it. If there’s one thing Stone Cold doesn’t take too kindly to, it’s people flapping their gums. The only thing we’re trying to figure out is if Stone Cold would “WHAT?” him first or just go straight for the stunner.



#4 – Bad News Barrett


Bad News Barrett is all about delivering that bad news and Stone Cold just wouldn’t stand for it. Not only would Stone Cold hunt Bad News Barrett down but odds are he would make his own bad ass mechanical podium, raise that thing to the roof and stun Barrett straight to hell. Wade Barrett better look out, because if Stone Cold comes around he’ll have a whole new brand of bad news.



#3 – Batista


The fans turned on Batista pretty fast so it’s no surprise that for storyline purposes he’s turned on them as well. Batista is just running around WWE events (and getting winded shortly after) proclaiming he’s the man while wearing skinny jeans and a sparkly nose ring. The fact of the matter is…Stone Cold Steve Austin just wouldn’t stand for this.

If Batista was doing this type of thing on Stone Cold’s watch he would have a stunner served up to him weekly.



#1 & 2 – Triple H & Stephanie McMahon


Triple H and Stephanie McMahon have been running Raw as The Authority for months now. Every once and a great while a good guy will get the upper hand but it’s extremely rare. These two have just been going along pushing the WWE roster around for far too long. Enough is enough and it’s time for a change DAMMIT!

There’s no doubt that if Stone Cold Steve Austin was still wandering around the arena these two would have been stunned multiple times by now. Perhaps they would think twice about their actions if good old Stone Cold made his presence felt.


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