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It’s the go-home show for WrestleMania 33 and fans were promised contract signings, confrontations, and surprises. The packed crowd was filled with excitement to be entertained. Golberg and Brock Lesnar were in the house and The Undertaker was reported to be backstage. But nobody really knew what was coming to them.

Opening Segment

Before Raw even started, The Undertaker took over the WWE ID that played before the Raw opening even started. That was weird. It’s almost like they’re making it so much about The Undertaker they’re almost preparing us for the end. It was also interesting that if Paige was in the Raw opening before, it didn’t look like she was now.

Bayley came out first in a sweet Ultimate Warrior t-shirt. She jumped off the ramp to give some hugs while Michael Cole announced the fatal four-way match at Mania is now an elimination match. That’ll add some time to the match although I wouldn’t be surprised if the eliminations happen all at the end.

Bayley took the mic and got the crowd all hyped up. She really geeked out as a fangirl about WrestleMania, gotta love it. She said this year she’s not in the crowd, she’s in WrestleMania. It’s too bad I don’t drink because you could take a shot everytime someone said WrestleMania and have a great time tonight. You’d also have a great time if you counted all of the Illuminati pyramids and triangles you see all night in the graphics WWE uses.

Charlotte came out and called Bayley a paper champion. That was nice word usage. She said The Boss made Bayley her pawn. She took a neat angle at this. Looks like Char Char has figured out Sasha Banks’ heel turn before it happened. Flair called Bayley a fangirl and laid on some truth about life to Bayley. Charlotte’s point was Sasha knows she can beat Bayley but she can’t beat Charlotte so she helped her win.

She said she will be walking out of Mania as the 5-time Women’s Champion, she’s only got 11 to go to meet her dad’s record (or 16 if you count all of The Nature Boy’s reigns). Charlotte Flair showed an old kayfabe tweet on the screen from Sasha about Bayley and the crowd chanted “CM PUNK.”

Sasha Banks came out to defend herself with really purple hair and said “Bayley and I are big girls,” she says they know the difference between business and personal. Then Nia Jax came out and looked like a scary Samoan female gladiator from my nightmares.

Nia spouted off about how she’s gonna get the belt and never lose it. Then Charlotte said something else about Sasha and The Boss jumped her. A brawl ensued and a tag match was announced.

Sasha Banks and Bayley vs. Charlotte and Charlotte Flair

This was a nice match and Nia Jax looked very strong in this one. Each team worked well together. The heels isolated Bayley and roughed the champ up a little bit.

Bayley tried to get it going for herself, but Charlotte used her physicality and intelligence to keep The Hugger down.

Sasha and her new purple hair finally got the tag and she started taking it to Charlotte. The Boss hit a high cross body on Flair, but Charlotte got the tag off to Nia Jax. Jax knocked Banks to the mat from the apron and it looked like a very rough bump.

Charlotte took advantage of the situation and the heel team beat The Boss down for a bit. Okay, Nia threw her around like a rag doll for a bit too.

Bayley reached her hand out, but Charlotte and Jax wouldn’t let Sasha get to her. Banks finally got to Bayley and the champion got the hot tag. Bayley took it to Charlotte and hit her with some of her classic moves until she ran into a high knee from Charlotte. Bayley recovered for a moment, but Charlotte ended up slapping on the Figure 8. Sasha broke up the hold and took Nia out to boot.

Bayley hit the Bayley To Belly on Charlotte and got the win. The babyfaces didn’t get to celebrate for long though because Nia Jax came up from behind and destroyed both of them. Then she turned around and did the same to Charlotte Flair. Nia turned and picked up the Raw Women’s Championship and posed with it before walking off as her music played and nobody in the ring moved. It was sick.

Backstage Segment

Sami Zayn is backstage saying now that Mick Foley is gone his presence was not felt today he needs to live on with the same impression Mickers left. Sami said he’s going to dedicate it to Mick Foley. Zayn said he was going to insert himself in the Andre The Giant Battle Royal at Mania. Stephanie came up from behind and said in order to get a chance to be in the Andre Rumble he’s going to have to beat Kevin Owens in their no-DQ match tonight, and if he doesn’t win he’s fired. No pressure, Sami.

Austin Aries vs Noam Dar (with Alicia Foooox)

Neville is on commentary, sorry “The King Of The Cruiserweights” is on commentary. Aries starts out by leveling Noam Dar and pointing at Neville saying that’ll be him on Sunday.

Noam Dar turned it around and stomped Aries in the corner for a bit. Alicia Foooox looked impressed. Austin Aries took a nice uppercut from Dar and kicked out at two. Neville said “you can expect a quick affair” at WrestleMania 33 in their Cruiserweight Championship match.

Aries turned it around on The Scottish Supernova and hit him with a nice elbow drop and a suicide dive. Foooox said she doesn’t like Austin Aries’ face and distracted The Greatest Man That Ever Lived for a moment, but it didn’t work. Aries hit the Discus Fivearm and followed it with his submission move, The Last Chancery. Noam Dar tapped and a message has been sent to Neville. The showdown is Sunday at WrestleMania. This match could be a good one.

Backstage Segment

We see Seth Rollins walking backstage on a crutch while Corey Graves talks about the hold harmless agreement he has to sign. BTW, a hold harmless agreement is a real thing as defined by a contract between two parties designed to release one or both parties from legal claims. Most often, one party agrees not to sue the other party for any expenses, damages, or losses arising from a transaction or activity between the two parties. So, neat!

They played another promo for The Undertaker and Michael Cole asked if Taker was digging a new yard for Roman Reigns.

Seth Freakin’ Rollins Segment

Rollins limped down the ramp on a crutch and make his way up to the ring. The ring was set up like a business office. Love it when they do that. You can imagine yourself fighting in a boardroom the next time you’re in one at work.

Rollins said, “There’s two chairs out here, so Triple H get out here so we can get this done.” Triple H came down as requested wearing a full suit with the hold harmless agreement in hand.

Triple H said if Rollins attacks him before he signs the document then the match at Mania is off. He said Seth is going to sit down and listen to all the rights he’s giving up when he signs the contract. Seth doesn’t want to listen, he wants to sign the contract.

Samoa Joe still doesn’t have a match at WrestleMania. For some reason that just occurred to me. That kind of sucks.

Triple H threatened to walk away and cancel the match if Seth didn’t sit. Rollins finally sat down and Trips said, “good boy.” Triple H spouted off about what he’s going to do to Rollins and said he’s going to “destroy what he created.” Triple H created Set Rollins and now he’s getting him to sign a contract so he can’t sue him.

Rollins said, “I get it, so sign the contract and hand it over.” Triple H kept laying on the thick promo on Rollins as The Architect looked on.

Triple H said he’d rather live the good life and he said Seth grew a conscience and so he’s going to destroy him. Triple H told him Seth is going to go back to performing in front of “a couple hundred people in an armory somewhere.”

Triple H said a one-legged man has never won an ass-kicking contest, that was funny. Trips capped it off by saying Rollins can walk in to WrestleMania, but he’s not walking out.

Rollins thought about it and said, “that is the same line of bullcrap that I bought into three years ago.” Rollins then started cutting a promo about rehabbing and gaining perspective and realized he liked himself before he met Triple H.

Rollins said he didn’t mind working for a hot dog and a handshake at the Philadelphia National Armory and got a nice face pop for mentioning Philly. He said it’s about redemption, not revenge. He said he gave up everything he was up to stand next to Triple H and at WrestleMania Triple H better be prepared “to tear my leg off and beat me with it.” Gruesome.

Rollins signed the contract and Triple H kicked the desk right into Seth’s knee. He threw a chair out of the ring, which is a shame. That looked like a nice desk chair.

Triple H picked up the crutch to hit Seth again, but Rollins caught him with an overhead kick. Seth set him up for a Pedigree, if he’s wanting “himself back” so bad, Seth should bring back the Curb Stomp.

Hunter turned it around and tried to Pedigree Rollins, but Seth catapulted HHH out of the ring. Triple H walked up the aisle as Rollins’ music played on.

Over The Top Rope Challenge

Big Show vs. Jinder Mahal vs. Bo Dallas vs. The Shining Stars vs. Curtis Axel vs. Golden Truth vs. Braun Strowman

Okay, this is a match to hype the Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal. Big Show and Jinder Mahal came out and all I can think about when I see him is Eva Marie couldn’t remember his name on Total Divas when she was ring announcing.

Bo Dallas came out next and Show made quick work of him. The Shining Stars came out and Big Show threw them out quickly. Then Curtis Axel, Goldust, and R-Truth came down and everyone ganged up on Big Show to throw him out.

Then Big Show went off on everyone except Golden Truth who wisely left instead. Big Show really got put over in this one.

Then Braun Strowman’s music hit. Looks like they’re using him in the battle royal at Mania. Braun said if he wanted to kick Big Show’s ass he would. But he does what he wants so he’s waiting until WrestleMania.

They played Strowman’s music as the segment ended.

Backstage Segment

Anderson and Gallows were interviewed about Enzo and Cass. Gallows said they’re really stupid and you can’t teach that. They continued to rip off Enzo and Cass’ catchphrases for a bit. It was a neat little interview

Another little segment of The Undertaker digging in the dirt played. These are really cool. They should just keep doing them every week, even after Taker retires. He could build sand castles around Summerslam time. We’d like that.

Roman Reigns is looking all cool and jacked. He was asked about The Undertaker’s promos. He said he’s a grown man and doesn’t read into signs. He doesn’t believe in dead men, he believes in the big fight so he’s going to go out to the ring and tell people what he’s going to do to The Undertaker.

They played a cool segment of The New Day having fun at the NYSE and Corey Graves said they almost sent the US into a recession. Funny. Then they raced up the Philly steps Rocky Balboa made famous. Well, Kofi and Woods raced, but Big E lazily walked up eating Booty-O’s. Langston won the race though. It was a good little bit. Looks like they’re keeping them out of the ring so the live crowd can’t get to them just yet. Let’s hope the WrestleMania crowd doesn’t come up with any sex tape chants for Woods if he comes out in front of the live crowd.

Cesaro and Sheamus are interviewed about their Mania match, but The Club ambushed them. They beat Cesaro with a ladder and looked like they meant business.

Neville vs. Jack Gallagher

Neville was very aggressive in this match. He’s really showing some cool characteristics ever since his heel turn. Gallagher cartwheeled out of a move and that was very smooth.

Gentleman Jack is showing some sweet moves but he needs to keep up the fine wrestling or he’ll fall into a comedy character gimmick along with his umbrella William III. Still, we can’t wait for Jack Gallagher’s Elite action figure with that umbrella. Neville stopped his antics when he hit Jack with a sick release German suplex that turned the Gentleman inside out.

Neville kept being a bully with some stiff shots. Gallagher hit a sick headbutt on Neville that sent both of them down. Neville rolled to the outside and they both had to shake off the impact. Gallagher opened his umbrella inside, someone needs to tell him that’s bad luck. Then he used William III for a “Mary Poppins dive” onto Neville. Is he going to keep doing that?

Neville ended up hitting Gallagher with a nice superplex and slapped on the Rings Of Saturn for the submission win.

Suddenly Austin Aries popped up on the screen complete with a signature banana in his pocket. A Double better enjoy bananas while he can before they’re extinct. He cut a promo on Neville with the assistance of The New Day. It was pretty funny. New Day and Austin Aries showed off their hip-swinging skills. It was very nice. Funny stuff.

Roman Reigns Segment

The Big Dog came out and they didn’t really do much to mute the boos in Philly. Whenever I hear Roman Reigns’ music I imagine ducks quacking it instead and it makes me smile. The Roman boos continued as Reigns reminded everyone he won the Royal Rumble match in Philly. He said he went on the headline WrestleMania, twice. And the boos were huge.

Roman said he was going to put The Dead Man down. He said he was going to do what nobody could do before him, apparently, he’s never watched WrestleMania XXX past The Shield’s match.

He said this is his yard and The Undertaker’s music struck. Taker said he’s made a grave mistake while a graveyard was shown on the Titantron. He said the graveyard is going to be Roman’s yard now. Big Evil said he’s carved out a special place in Hell for him. That was thoughtful.

Taker said at WrestleMania the Roman Empire will fall and they showed a tombstone with Roman’s name on it with April 2, 2017 as the date of death. Neat.

The Undertaker was on the screen the whole time until the lights went out and the gong went off. When the lights came back on, Taker was standing behind Reigns. Classic Undertaker.

The Undertaker continued by saying Roman will “rest in peace.” He threw up his arms and thunder hit. It got awkward for a moment but as Taker’s arms lowered the lights faded back down to black.

The Club vs. Enzo and Big Cass

Enzo and Big Cass came out and did their thing on the microphones. These guys were insanely over. Corey Graves said he felt like he was looking at an overgrown sewer rat that climbed out of the sewers in Philly when he looked at Enzo. Corey Graves is incredible.

Big Cass said Gallows and Anderson’s bald heads are about to get burnt because It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia. Philly loved that.

The Club came out but were immediately attacked by Sheamus and Cesaro with a ladder. The crowd chanted “ECW” as Shesaro jumped in the ring and took the ladder to Big Cass and Enzo. Big Cass hit them back and took the ladder back.

The Club jumped Big Cass and hit him with a ladder. Are they turning the triple threat tag match at Mania into a ladder match? ROH is doing a ladder match at Supercard Of Honor XI with The Hardys and Young Bucks. Who knows at this point.

Anyway, The Club used the ladder to beat everyone down so there was no match.

Backstage Segment

Kevin Owens said Chris Jericho was never his best friend. He said at one point he was a Y2J fan, but now Chris Jericho fans are morons. He said he will rip Sami Zayn apart tonight. He said he wants to be the guy who’s responsible for looking at his family and saying, “I’m not a WWE superstar anymore, I’m a failure.”

Kevin wrapped up his promo by saying he’s going to one-up Jericho at KO Mania 2 by destroying him. Kevin Owens is just great.

Kevin Owens vs Sami Zayn (No DQ Match)

Where did Sami Zayn’s “Ole” chant go? People just stopped doing it. Just wanted to point that out. But, when’s the last time you heard a crowd erupt in a good “Ole” sing-song chant at Zayn? Well, the Philly crowd started one but it didn’t pick up much steam.

Kevin started it off quickly against Zayn, but Sami turned it back around on KO. The two moved to the outside and battled out there for a bit.

Owens pushed Zayn into the crowd and the fought all over the arena. Sami drove Kevin into the Flyer’s hockey boards and then Owens smashed Zayn’s face off of the announce table’s platform. Zayn then jumped up and hit a flying dive on Owens off the ramp onto the floor.

Sami Zayn started to utilize the ring steps but Owens turned it around and hit Zayn with a DDT off the steps. That was a pretty nice looking move.

Owens hit Zayn with a couple stiff clotheslines in the corner, but Sami caught him when he was running in for the cannonball and got an exploder suplex off. Owens rolled out of the ring, and Sami set up for that cool tornado DDT through the ropes deal he does, and he pulled it off beautifully.

Sami looked like he was trying for the Helluva Kick, but Owens hit him with a superkick for a two count. Owens climbed on the top rope and hit a massive frog splash for another two count. No matter what KO tried, The Underdog From The Underground just wouldn’t lay down.

Sami hit a Blue Thunder Bomb on Kevin for a close two count. Then Samoa Joe came down the ramp in a nice dress shirt. Joe got a chair just as Chris Jericho’s music hit. Joe looked like he was gearing up for Jericho, but Y2J jumped him from behind. In all the commotion, Sami Zayn rolled Kevin Owens up for a three count to keep his job and get a spot in the battle royal at Mania.

KO hit Sami from behind, but Y2J attacked Owens with a chair until Kevin powered out and left up the ramp with Samoa Joe.

Brock Lesnar and Goldberg Segment

It’s time to hype the main event of WrestleMania 33 because we’re all looking forward to it so much. In all honesty, if these two are actually going to have a legitimate match it could be pretty good.

Brock Lesnar’s music hit and there was a decent ovation for The Beast Incarnate. There were scattered “ECW” chants at Paul Heyman before The Advocate started speaking. He referred to Lesnar as an “extremist,” that was nice.

Goldberg chants started to ring out from somewhere and cut Heyman off, they came and left pretty quickly. Then real people started chanting “Suplex City.”

Paul Heyman kept hyping the Universal Title match. He’s just the best at working a microphone in WWE. Heyman said Brock Lesnar lusts after the Universal Title. I’m trying really hard not to crack a Brad Maddox joke right here.

Heyman said Goldberg has his respect, admiration, and confidence. Goldberg is a real life superhero and he is truly the man. But, his client Brock Lesnar is the beast and he will chew him up and spit him out. He said really bad things happen to superheroes when they step in the ring with Brock Lesnar.

Paul Heyman said this Sunday Bill is going to Suplex City where Goldbergs check in but they don’t check out. A short burst of Goldberg chants ring out again and Paul used it to say that will be the last time a Goldberg chant is heard on Raw.

He said Brock Lesnar doesn’t fear the spear because Goldberg can’t survive the F5. Guess Paul Heyman was channeling the spirit of Johnnie Cochran there a bit.

Goldberg’s music hit and we watched him walk through Gorilla Position and up the stairs to the stage. The sparklers went off and his pyro hit, but Goldberg just stood there with the Universal Title around his waist with a microphone in his hand.

He said people didn’t show up to listen to them talk, they wanted to watch them fight. He said since he can’t bring everyone in Philly to WrestleMania he’s going to bring a little WrestleMania to Philly.

Brock jumped out of the ring, and Goldberg speared him on the outside. Goldberg got in the ring, held up his pretty red title belt, and ripped his shirt off.

Raw ended with Brock Lesnar walking up the ring and Goldberg holding up the Universal Title with the WrestleMania logo hanging from the rafters behind him.

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