Why John Cena Sucks…

John Cena. Just the name alone can derive an emotion from many wrestling fans. Some good, some bad. Cena has had an illustrious career filled with many, many, many titles and achievements. There is no doubt about it, Cena is a living legend but we’re not here to give Vince McMahon a woody. Actually, it’s quite the opposite. We’re here to give the Internet Wrestling Community (IWC) reasons why their hate may be justified. So lets get to it.

HULK HOGAN VERSION 2.O

John Cena has been the face of the WWE for what seems like forever. His character has changed very little in the last 10 years. He’s basically Hulk Hogan in a purple shirt or whatever this weeks flavor is. The difference however is that Hulk Hogan was over as the super good guy in a different era. An era that had never seen a bald headed beer chuggin SOB, a Hell In a Cell match, a TLC match, Hogan was big before ECW, WCW, ROH and even the XFL. Basically what this all means is that the super good guy character doesn’t work in today’s world. The fans that chant “CENA SUCKS” are the fans that fawn for the days when wrestling was intense, extreme and captivating. Cena’s version of Hulk Hogan doesn’t work the way that Vince McMahon wants it too. He wants arenas filled with “LETS GO CENA” because he knows that he could be doubling the merchandise sales that Cena does now. If Cena was to add a little more edginess or even (GASP!) a heel turn…he would with out a doubt extend his career and storylines for many more years to come. Even HH eventually made the turn and that worked out for everybody. Besides, nobody is that nice all the time and we can see through you Cena.

THE REAL UNDERTAKER

The amount of superstars that Cena has buried is rather ridiculous. Unless you’re already an established Superstar, Cena won’t even think twice about burying you deeper than a dog and his bone. Just ask Damien Sandow what it’s like. Bray Wyatt, Ryback, Cesaro and NEXUS are just a few that have met the wrath of the 5 moves. Cena also is able to bury talents by sucking up their spotlight. Whenever a superstar starts to build a decent following Cena is right there to stick his Jay Leno chin in their push. Zack Ryder, Cryme Tyme, Daniel Bryan and many more talents worked hard to build their followings only to have Cena come out and pretend to support them, when he is really there to take their shine. Even the immortal Hulk Hogan couldn’t get away with a birthday celebration free of some Cena gibberish. Just last week on Raw, Cena couldn’t allow Dean Ambrose to try and gain anymore steam without Cena sticking his lego shaped head in there. The reason the company hasn’t built another top star since CENA has been on top is because the leader of Cenation has been there to stop anyone’s momentum before it gets really going. Just ask Ryback…now the Big Guy is wishing they fed him less.

HUSTLE, LOYALTY, RESPECT

Fifty percent of all marriages end in divorce. Most of the time it is due to one of the participants being bored with the other and they look for an escape. Sounds a lot like fifty percent of wrestling fans are ready to divorce the man who spews Hustle, Loyalty and Respect. For the better part of what seems like an eternity, the WWE main event scene has had a fruity pebble stain on it that won’t seem to go away. Any time there is a hiccup of some sort…dun dun dunnnn CENA to the rescue. When years of working the independent scenes and traveling the world caught up to Daniel Bryan, the title was vacated. Which almost always means, the title is waiting for Mr. Jorts. “BUT CENA IS ALWAYS THERE, HE’s NEVER HURT, HE LOVES THE COMPANY!” No, he loves money, he’s never hurt because it’s tough to get hurt doing a firemans carry and yes he’s always there, that is the problem. Whether it be his never ending feud with Randy Orton, his lame ass PG Dr. Suess Mr. Rogers Sesame Street jokes or his “Hey, don’t forget I love kids, Marines, Murica” look at me attitude. The people are sick of being force fed his bland bullshit. Super Hero’s don’t exist. Assholes do. Drop the goody good gimmick and be yourself. Nobody, NOBODY is 100% good. Everyone has their downfalls. In the last billion years since the PG era has started, John Cena hasn’t shown us any ability to be a real human. He’s a goddamn Robot who shits rainbows all over us. EAT, SLEEP, BE JOHN CENA, REPEAT. It’s sickens the masses that he’s always there to save the day. Just one time, we want to see him tell us to F-off, that he doesn’t “suck.” John Cena is the perfect politician. Always seems like a good guy on the face of things but deep down you know he’s got secrets.  He’s already a heel, he just doesn’t know that we know.

STAY TUNED FOR THE ARTICLE ON WHY CENA DOESN’T SUCK…COMING SOON.