smackdown

It’s the week after Kevin Owens nearly killed Vince McMahon with a headbutt in Las Vegas. SmackDown Live had quite a few slots to fill for Hell In A Cell with only two matches announced so far. So let’s get right to it.

Opening Segment

Shane McMahon’s music hit and he came to the ring. He called KO’s headbutt on his father a cowardly act. He gave Vince credit for being one tough, salty SOB. Shane said he and Vince don’t always see eye to eye but at the end of the day, he’s still his father so he loves him.

Shane then went on to talk about how his kids saw their grandfather get beat down by Owens and how the McMahon family strikes down with a massive vengeance. Shane said KO’s a no-show so far.

Shane condemned Kevin to a ruthless beating at his own hands, a life of pain and suffering at his hands, and he condemned him to Hell In A Cell. Then he dropped the mic and left.

Aiden English vs Randy Orton

English was in the ring and sang his own operatic version of Randy Orton’s theme song with altered lyrics to slam The Viper. Not a good idea.

Randy Orton interrupted right after Aiden sang, “he’s a fool, he’s a tool.” It was time to get down to business.

Orton beat Aiden in the ring and then they went outside so English could take some more bumps. Aiden reversed a move and ended up behind Orton. He tossed The Viper across the announce desk and seemed to have the upper hand for a minute. He stomped on Randy when they got in the ring and he hit some mounted fists.

Randy took control soon enough but Aiden hit a neckbreaker for a two count. English was doing much better than expected in this encounter but he’s been in line for some kind of push for a while now so maybe it’s finally happening a little bit.

When Randy mounted an attack, the ref pulled him off English in the corner. Aiden regained control for a moment until Aiden jumped off the top rope for a crossbody. Then Randy hit an RKO outta nowhere!

1-2-3 and Randy Orton took a ten-minute beating but won the match with an RKO.

Rusev vs Randy Orton

Rusev came out with a microphone in hand while Randy was posing after the match was over. Handsome Rusev said Randy robbed him of being a national hero in Bulgaria but in 10 seconds Orton turned Rusev and his family into a disgrace.

The Bulgarian Brute said he was going to rip the fangs out of The Viper’s mouth. The ref rang the bell because apparently, they can just do that now. Randy went for the RKO but Rusev shoved him off.

Aiden Engish jumped up on the apron and distracted Randy for a second. When Orton turned around he ate a superkick from Rusev and he went for the pin. 1-2-3 and Rusev won over an already tired Randy Orton.

Backstage segment

“I got em! I got em!” Rusev exclaimed triumphantly as he walked around backstage. Renee Young said he looked elated and he asked what that meant. He said he can return to his homeland a hero now.

Jinder Mahal Segment

The Singh Brothers gave Jinder a great introduction as always. Mahal said people were in an uproar about what he said about Shinsuke Nakamura last week.

Then they showed more slides of Nakamura so the Singh Brothers could roll around in laughter some more. Mahal made a joke about Japanese people eating cats and dolphins and the Singh Brothers thought that was hilarious too. Then they showed another picture of Nakamura making a face on the big screen.

Then they made some slick Karate Kid reference and called Nakamura Mr. Miyagi. The crowd chanted “that’s too far” and one guy could be heard yelling “that’s racist!”

Then he spoke in Punjabi to close out the segment.

Backstage Segment

Shinsuke Nakamura wasn’t amused by The Modern Day Maharaja’s statements but he plans to do his speaking with his kneecaps.

AJ Styles vs Baron Corbin (US Title Match…Kinda)

Before the match, AJ Styles cut a promo on Kevin Owens warning him to not mess with Shane McMahon. Then he moved on to the “Short Cut King” Baron Corbin… that’ll look nifty on a t-shirt.

AJ said The Lone Wolf can huff and puff but he’ll never blow down The House That AJ Styles Built.

Baron jumped AJ during the opening introductions before the bell even rang. Suddenly Tye Dillinger jumped Baron Corbin and clotheslines him out of the ring. The Perfect 10 kept up the assault on Baron and he kept selling his leg after landing on the outside.

This was in the story and might have been ill-timed seeing how the same thing just happened to Big Cass and he wasn’t just selling. Baron couldn’t get to his feet so AJ hit him with a sliding forearm and then locked him in a Calf Crusher. Baron Corbin tapped out and AJ finally let go.

The Lone Wolf rolled out of the ring to keep selling his injured leg as AJ Styles celebrated in the ring.

Backstage Segment

Corbin was limping badly backstage when Renee walked up and Baron Corbin yelled at Renee Young and said he felt violated. He said he sprained his ankle thanks to “The Perfect 0” and he’s not happy. He said he’s getting even.

Charlotte Flair Says Thanks

The Nature Girl came out and plenty of people yelling: “wooo!” She said it’s good to be back and thanked everyone for their prayers while Ric Flair’s been sick.

She said Flair is making a comeback and while she was away she learned a valuable lesson. She said life is fragile and unexpected so she needs to make the moments count. So from here on out she’s going to make the biggest moment as big as possible for her and her father.

Natalya’s music hit and she came out. After saying she was worried about Ric Flair and she’s glad he’s doing better she said she had something to do. A couple guys came out with her and one of them put a covered up object in the middle of the ring.

Nattie said she was going to hold a Celebration Of Women by focusing on one woman: herself. She was delivering her lines so well and unveiled a large picture of herself holding the SmackDown Women’s Title above her head.

Then Charlotte challenged her for the championship. Becky Lynch came out and it looked like she had something to say. She wanted a shot too.

Becky called Nattie the craziest there is, the craziest there was, and quite possibly the craziest there ever will be because she’s crazy. She said the title is going back to her.

Insert The Glow here.

Naomi walked down with mismatched eyeshadow on that was very distracting. Naomi said the only thing Nattie represents is her “stank cats.” Suddenly Tamina interrupted The Glow.

Tamina and Lana came down and The Ravishing Russain did the talking for her. Lana called Nattie a crazy cat lady too.

Lana said everyone in the ring had their shot as Nattie started to walk up the ramp. Lana said it’s Tamina’s time.

Nattie said she’s not a crazy cat lady and she’ll be the SmackDown Women’s Champion forever. As she held the title above her head Daniel Bryan came out and called Nattie “Gloria Steinem.”

Then Daniel Bryan booked a fatal five-way match where the winner would face Nattie at Hell In A Cell.

New Day vs Hype Bros

The Usos were on commentary calling everyone “Uce” because they’re awesome.

The New Day ran Hype Bros out of the ring after a quick exchange. But when Mojo and Zack returned to the ring they took it to Kofi Kingston.

Mojo mowed over Kofi and got a two count. Kingston took damage during the entire commercial break.

Kofi got the hot tag to Big E and he started hitting belly to bellies all over the place but wasted some time swiveling his hips and Zack got his knees up when Big E went for the splash.

Ryder his a Broski Boot and Mojo was sent to the floor. Kofi hit Mojo with a splash and in no time the New Day hit Ryder with The Midnight Hour and got the pin to defeat Hype Bros.

The New Day celebrated in The Usos’s general direction while Jimmy and Jey kept saying, “we’ll see you in Detroit.”

Kevin Owens “Live Via Satellite”

Kevin started out by apologizing he said he’d like to apologize to everyone including the McMahon Family. He also said with complete sincerity that Shane had it coming and he made him want to headbutt Vince’s head off his shoulders.

Shane made Kevin punch and kick Vince like a garbage bag because in his mind he was obliterating Shane-O.

Then Owens apologized to anyone who dared watch Hell In A Cell because what he did to Vince is going to be nothing compared to what he’s going to do to Shane.

Then Kevin said people like him go to Heaven.

Backstage Segment

The Hype Bros were backstage and they kind of hinted a double turn could be on the way.

Mojo said he’s sick of losing and something’s gotta give. Zack was quiet behind him and just looked down. Mojo asked him if he wanted things to chage then they’re going to have to do something drastic.

Dolph Ziggler Does Something Awesome

Dolph came out in the same tights he’s been wearing for the past few weeks. He said every Superstar he’s impersonated so far couldn’t lace his boots. He called himself the greatest performer in WWE history but people still don’t get it.

Then he left again… the lights started to fade as the camera only showed one half of the arena because the other half was empty. Suddenly Triple H’s music hit and Ziggler came out to do his best Triple H impersonation. Neat!

He stopped again and asked if he could run NXT now. He also said spitting out water is a lot harder than it looks. “CM Punk” chants started to ring out and Ziggler went back to the back.

HBK’s music hit this time and Ziggler came out doing his best Shawn Michaels impression while the crowd went mild. He took his cowboy hat off and said it doesn’t get much more superficial than that. He said he could feel himself losing his smile.

Then he said they can go lower and he went back for more.

Suddenly D-Generation X’s music hit and Ziggler came out to that this time. What a neat gimmick that nobody seemed to care about.

Ziggler said he’s got two words for us: “who cares?” Who cares about two dads acting like teenagers while they try to be cool and coast their way to retirement.

Ziggler said the people don’t care and he’s the best ever and they couldn’t care less. And he didn’t care about them either. At least he’s softening up his stance because for the last two weeks he’s said he didn’t give a damn about them.

Becky Lynch vs Naomi vs Charlotte Flair vs Tamina

Tamina took it to Charlotte after Becky Lynch was taken out on the outside. Charlotte fought back as Becky returned to the ring to help take out Tamina. Naomi returned to the ring as well after taking some damage early on and joined the fray.

Charlotte took a cross body from Naomi and then she took some kicks from The Glow. Naomi hit a nice looking jawbreaker for a two count.

Becky Lynch broke up a submission on Charlotte and locked the Dis Arm Her on Naomi until Tamina broke that move up.

Tamina slammed Becky down but Lynch moved and Tamina took a post with her shoulder.

Charlotte hit Tamina with a spear and slammed Naomi down as well. Charlotte then climbed to the top rope and hit her beautiful moonsault on both of them for two near falls.

Flair locked the figure 4 on Naomi and Becky climbed to the top to hit Charlotte with a leg drop. Tamina rushed in to take Becky out and all four women were soon laying on the ground while the crowd chanted: “this is awesome.”

Tamima hit Lynch with a Samoan Drop and climbed to the top rope. She posed briefly and hit a Superfly Splash. 1-2-Naomi broke up the pin. Lana pulled The Glow out of the ring and got kicked in the head for her troubles.

This distraction caused Tamina to look away for a moment to kick Naomi off the apron and Charlotte snuck behind her to hit a big boot. 1-2-3 and Charlotte Flair is headed to Hell In A Cell to face Naomi for the SmackDown Women’s Title.