raw

It’s time for the Labor Day edition of Monday Night Raw. We’re scheduled to have an Intercontinental Title Match and a Cage Match. Both of those things are very cool. Let’s get right to the action!

John Cena vs Jason Jordan

John Cena’s music and a lot fewer people think he sucks this week after that fantastic promo against Roman Reigns last week.

Cena came out for a match and we didn’t even realize he was booked for one. Then Jason Jordan’s music hit and I was like “ahh, Jason’s dad booked this match.”

Jordan went for a quick pinfall to start things out and Cena separated himself. Jordan wrestled around with Cena and got the upper hand while Super Cena tried to counter his holds and take downs.

“Jason Jordan is just beating John Cena up with his amateur background,” Corey Graves said.

Cena took control by using his strength and tried to use Jordan’s own offense against him. Finally, some right hands took Jordan down. “A big forearm goes a long way,” Booker T said.

Jordan started to fight back and hit a belly to belly suplex but Cena dodged a run to the post and Jason took it with his shoulder. Cena turned it around with a suplex and soon both men were laid out on the canvas.

Jason fired back with some first but Cena hit a slam and a 5 Knuckle Shuffle. John prepped himself for Jason and got him up for the AA but Jason reversed out of it and rolled Cena up for a two count.

Cena soon locked in the STF and Jason was in trouble. Jordan rolled out of it and locked in his own crossface submission. Cena muscled out of it because John is 80% muscle. He lifted Jordan up but Jason performed two Northern Lights suplexes in a row for a close two count.

Jordan buried his shoulder into Cena in the corner and lifted Cena up for a move but John reversed it. Sudden Cena popped Jason Jordan up for the AA, hit it, and got the pin for the victory.

Cena patted JJ on the back and posed for the crowd but his celebration would be interrupted by Roman Reigns. The Big Dog walked to the ring looking serious as Cena didn’t look a bit surprised to see him.

Roman Reigns vs John Cena Promo Time

Roman asked John “if you are what you say you are, why does it take a sixteen-time champ over twenty minutes to beat a rookie?” Roman said if he’s as good as Cena says he is then he would have beat him from the get-go.

But instead, Cena let the match string out for over twenty minutes because he’s a “lying fake-ass little b-tch.”

John Cena welcomed “Debbie Downer” to Monday Night Raw and said he’d tell Roman it’s good to see him but he’s disgusted by his face. He brought up being destroyed on the mic last week and said Roman came down with his zipper open.

Roman said he busted it because he’s the Big Dog. John said he’s looking for his balls but he doesn’t have any and Roman replied “you would be looking for those” — really? A gay joke Roman?

John said we’re going to get the answers to those questions at No Mercy. Cena said Roman is gonna either get beat by a guy who’s lost a step or he’s gonna lose to a guy he’s been stringing along for years.

John said Roman is a conceited, know-it-all golden boy who needs to be taught respect. Cena put over Jordan, Gable and Miz for scratching and clawing every week and he respects that. Then he told Roman he doesn’t respect him.

John said the only person living a lie is Roman. He says it’s his yard and he’s the guy but the fans don’t agree. Then he asked Roman if there is any room in that clouded, protected, conceited brain of his to see what the hell is actually going on or does he have to beat some common sense into him.

Roman said: “now we’re talking John, do it” and “YES” chants broke out. Roman asked Omaha is they wanted to see John Cena beat his ass and everyone cheered.

Roman said this was Cena’s big moment to back up his big mouth but instead, John just leaned on the ropes and smiled. Then Roman said he didn’t respect him, dropped the mic, and left. John just chuckled to himself while he watched The Big Dog leave his yard.

Rhyno and Heath Slater vs Sheamus and Cesaro

Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins came out to join commentary but they used The Lunatic Fringe’s music. Slater and Rhyno were already in the ring but the former Raw Tag Team Champions got their entire entrance.

Slater almost got a pinfall with a roll-up as soon as the bell rang but as soon as Cesaro got up he started laying it into Slater. Sheamus got the tag and soon they were tagging and out using Slater as a ragdoll for a bit.

Slater broke free with a high kick and tagged The Man Beast as Sheamus got a tag on the other side. Rhyno handled both Sheamus and Cesaro and hit a face-first slam on Sheamus for a two count.

Slater was taken out of the ring and Rhyno clotheslines Cesaro over the top rope. But when he turned around he was met with a Brogue Kick from Sheamus to secure the victory.

Backstage Segment

Renee Young was backstage and welcomed The Hardy Boyz. She asked Jeff what his strategy is for his IC Title match tonight. Jeff said they wrestle each match like it’s their first but could be their last. He said tonight isn’t about age, life beating you down, but it’s about the vitality that shines vibrantly in his spirit.

The entire time Matt would interject sound bytes in a very Broken-sounding voice.

Jeff Hardy vs The Miz (Intercontinental Title Match)

JoJo gave this one a big match feel with her introductions and Miz climbed to the top rope in order to hold up his championship to a chorus of boos.

Jeff tried to end it early with a roll-up pin and Miz looked shocked when he kicked out. Like he shouldn’t expect a roll-up in a match in WWE.

Jeff kept trying to get the pin with a variety of rolling pins and Miz sent Hardy outside the ring. Jeff ran back in before The Miztourage could get to him. Then Jeff clotheslined Miz outside and prepared to leap on him but Miz ran to safety. After all, Miz historically doesn’t like catching people.

Jeff Hardy hit the Whisper In The Wind and climbed to the top rope. Bo Dallas distracted the ref while Curtis Axel knocked Jeff down. Matt Hardy took it to Axel and Dallas and the referee ejected all three of them from ringside.

Jeff rolled Miz up while he was distracted by his loss of outside help 1-2-kickout! Jeff hit an inverted atomic drop and a few other moves until he was countered by Miz and took a DDT.

Miz and Jeff got to their feet at about the same time and Hardy reversed a Skull Crushing Finale into a two count roll-up pin. Miz hit a running knee strike for another two count.

Then Miz starting with the It Kicks but Jeff Hardy ducked under the final one because that’s what everybody does. Jeff turned it around for himself with some offense after that for another two count.

Miz rolled out of the ring and pulled Jeff off the apron while he was going for a dive. Jeff crashed and burned on that one big time. Miz rolled Jeff back to the ring for another two count and immediately locked in the figure four leglock.

Jeff fought to get out of the hold and finally got to the ropes. Miz rolled outside and was dropkicked through the ropes. Jeff ran around the ring and hit a Poetry In Motion while using the steps instead of his brother Matt.

Miz was rolled in the ring and Jeff climbed up and hit a Swanton Bomb but Miz rolled away after Maryse reached in to squeeze his hand and Jeff hit nothing but canvas. Miz got back to his feet and countered a Twist Of Fate with a Skull Crushing Finale to retain the IC Title in clean fashion after a heck of a match.

Now Miz is three days from beating the Honky Tonk Man’s record for third longest running IC Title reign in WWE history.

Backstage Segment

Nia Jax asked Kurt Angle why Sasha Banks is getting a Raw Women’s Title match at No Mercy. She said when she held the title in the air she could feel the Raw Women’s Division trembling.

Sudden Emma showed up and said Nia Jax didn’t show up on her Twitter feed. It’s all about Twitter with Emma. Nia told her if she didn’t leave the hashtag would be #PutEmmaInTheHospital.

Kurt Angle booked a tag match for tonight with Emma and Nia vs Banks and Bliss. If the Nia and Emma win then they’ll be added to the Raw Women’s Title Match and it’ll be made into a fatal four way.

Tony Nese, Drew Gulak, and Noam Dar vs Enzo Amore, Gran Metalik, and Cedric Alexander

Enzo was met with a lot of cheers and all the babyfaces came out to his music. Enzo said he knows controversy follows him everywhere like a shadow but controversy creates cash.

Enzo introduced his partners as Cedric The Entertainer Alexander and Pepper Jack. Then Enzo said Nese was a Chip n Dales stripper, Noam Dar was something else, and Drew Gulak was Capt Underpants. Neat.

What do you want me to say about this one? There were six people and they all got spots in. Tony Nese is really good even though his gimmick is ancient. Cedric Alexander is also so great. Noam Dar is young, talented and can tell an amazing story. Gran Metalik might be the most talented out of all the Cruiserweights but for some reason, he hasn’t had the chance to shine in WWE.

Gran Metalik might be the most talented out of all the Cruiserweights but for some reason, he hasn’t had the chance to shine in WWE.

Drew Gulak is a very fine wrestler too and his gimmick is pretty solid and he tells his story everytime he’s in the ring (even though people are going to start calling him Captain Underpants apparently. Meanwhile, Enzo Amore is… Enzo Amore. He

Meanwhile, Enzo Amore is… Enzo Amore. He can scrap, get tossed around, and sell in the ring. But he moves merchandise and makes money and you can’t teach that.

Enzo got beat up quite a bit until he finally made the tag to Cedric Alexander to start the rally at the end of the match. Everyone got a little spot in during the end of the match. Gran Metalik and Cedric Alexander executed twin planchas to the outside and it was beautiful. Enzo got the blind tag, hit the Jord-Enzo after a thumb to the eye and got the win.

They’re doing what they need to do in order to make Enzo look like a formidable opponent for Neville’s championship. But with the way Enzo has been winning matches, he just might out-heel Neville.

Backstage Segment

Alexa Bliss and Sasha Banks didn’t like the fact that they’re tagging together but Banks has the upper hand because Bliss needs her to help. Bliss told her to check that Boss ego at the door and get over it. Sasha said they’ll win tonight but Alexa will be screaming at No Mercy when she makes her tap out.

Finn Balor Speaks

Finn said “this is Balor Club” and too sweeted the crowd. He said the NXT Championship used to look really good around his waist and so did the Universal Championship. He also said the IC Title would have looked good if it weren’t for Bray Wyatt.

He focused on Bray Wyatt and talked about how he appears when everyone least expects it but the next time he shows up Finn will be ready. He said, “I run from his demons because sometimes I become one.”

Then the screen got all Wyatty and Bray appeared on the big screen. He told a creepy story using metaphors about how his hands are dangerous. Finn needs to be ready for the ring to turn into worms or something. These two do work well together and at least it keeps them busy.

Alexa Bliss and Sasha Banks vs Nia Jax and Emma

Let’s figure out what kind of match we’re going to have at No Mercy.

I know I complain about entrance music a lot, but Emma’s new music really is awful.

Bliss tried to work with Nia but Jax just stopped her and smashed The Boss. She tagged out to Emma for some reason and the Australian took it to Sasha for a bit. The Boss was isolated for a bit and took a bit of damage.

Bliss just stood there while Sasha was taking punishment from Emma and just shook her head. The Boss blocked a suplex from Emma and reversed it to get the tag. Then Bliss took it to Emma.

The Goddess kicked her down in the turnbuckle and kept her from making a tag to Nia Jax. Banks got tagged back in and they kept Emma to themselves for a bit. The Boss and Little Miss Bliss hit a nice double suplex in the process.

Bliss slamed Emma to the mat and climbed to the top rope. Emma crawled away and hit a jaw jacker to Bliss and tagged in Nia Jax. Bliss and Nia stood toe to toe and Bliss slapped Nia.

Jax screamed and Bliss screamed louder before taking a clothesline. Nia soon hit a Samoan Drop for a two count. Banks got the tag eventually and tried to hit a cross body but Nia caught her. Sasha reversed out of it and she eventually tried for a Bank Statement but Jax just bulldozed over her. Emma got the blind tag and ran in to get the pin.

1-2-3 and we’re looking at a fatal four-way for the Raw Women’s Championship between Alexa Bliss, Sasha Banks, Nia Jax, and Emma.

After the match was over Nia Jax destroyed Emma too.

Backstage Interview

Renee interviewed Braun Strowman and wondered what Kurt Angle was thinking for booking him in a cage match against Big Show. He said the cage is a recipe for destruction. He’s going to slice Big Show up into ribbons and slam him in the middle of the ring. That’s nice!

Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins vs The Club

Sheamus and Cesaro made their way down to the ring to get a closer look at the match. The match was brought to us by chicken sandwiches.

Rollins and Ambrose took it to Karl Anderson and heated The Club member up. Anderson sold well and made them look good. 2/3 of The Shield used some tandem offense until Luke Gallows got the tag.

Gallows used his muscle to take it to Seth and Dean for a bit. He really is a big dude. But Dean and Seth have fought big dudes before and they soon took over.

Both Club members ended up on the outside and Seth and Dean hit tandem dives on them. But Luke Gallows eventually took over for a bit and caused a close fall after a side slam. Anderson tagged in and continued the abuse to The Lunatic Fringe.

Anderson tried for a superplex but Ambrose blocked it. Gallows got the tag and caught Ambrose when he jumped down, Dean caught a drop kick and Gallows hit a big boot. Ambrose hit a Lunatic Lariat and got the tag to Seth Rollins.

Rollins hit a blockbuster on Anderson, a dive to Gallows on the outside, and a sling blade on  Anderson. He placed Karl on the top rope while Dean hit Gallows with a suicide dive.

Just as Rollins looked like they were gonna win, Sheamus and Cesaro came in the ring for some attempted interference but Rollins rolled Anderson up for a win anyway and won.

The Club took out Sheamus and Ceasro after the match. The Club feel like they got screwed and Sheamus and Cesaro returned to the ring to destroy The Club.

Backstage Segment

Enzo was backstage talking very fast. Gran Metalik said “yo soy El Queso Picante” which means hot cheese so Enzo called him Pepper Jack again. Then Neville came in and informed them there would be a fatal five-way elimination match on 205 Live for the #1 contendership.

Braun Strowman vs Big Show (Steel Cage Match)

The ring crew were busy reinforcing the ring, therefore they’re totally going to break it, right?! They interviewed the referee from the match when the ring collapsed and he talked about what he expects from the steel cage match. He said the cage will be double reinforced. He said he doesn’t know what to expect, he’s just staying out of the way.

Big Show was interviewed by Renee Young. Show gave some final thoughts. He said he’s faced every opponent conceivable in his twenty-year career and he’s had more steel cage matches than Braun’s had matches. Then he talked about how much he was going to hurt The Monster Among Men.

Big Show cut a pretty good promo where he came off as a solid veteran going against the new young stud who hasn’t earned his shot yet. “You call yourself a Monster Among Men, I’m the world’s largest athlete!” Show yelled and then he left.

Braun kicked Show in the face and Show rolled to the apron. He smashed Big Show against the cage twice but was stopped on his third and fourth attempt by Big Show. The Giant hit a strong right hand and laid Braun Strowman out cold.

Big Show took the fight to Braun Strowman and used the cage to his advantage by driving Strowman’s head against the steel a couple time.

“Strowman is rocked right now” Corey Graves said.

“How’s the cage tasting, Braun?” Michael Cole wonders.

Big Show started to climb out of the cage but Braun Strowman followed him. They fought on the top rope which is a great place for two guys that big to be fighting.

Big Show got crotched on the top rope and Big Show knocked Braun off the cage too. They both fell very hard.

Big Show shook it off and climbed back up the cage. Big Show delivered a couple kicks while holding the top of the cage. Braun hit the canvas and Big Show readied himself for something epic.

Big Show used to do a top rope elbow drop when he was much, much younger. But he hit one on Braun Strowman that was jaw dropping. He slowly covered Braun for a two count.

“This is awesome” chants filled the arena and it was well deserved.

Then the cage door opened and Big Show crawled toward the door. Braun slammed the door into Show’s head and Strowman started to crawl out. Show slammed the door on Strowman and sent him back in the ring.

Both men hit shoulder tackles at the same time and they both plummeted to the ground. Big Show got up and signaled for the chokeslam. He grabbed Braun but Strowman countered it into a DDT for a two count.

They traded forearms and Strowman broke out the headbutts. Suddenly Show hit a chokeslam. 1-2-kickout!

Show got up first once more and signaled for his big fist. Strowman picked up Show but ended up being hurled into the cage. Big Show started climbing the cage again but Braun met him and started climbing up too. They fought on the top rope once more. Strowman got knocked down and Show kept climbing.

Big Show was sitting on the top of the cage and about to go over but Strowman ripped him down and smashed him against the cage.

Big Show started climbing up again and Braun hit him with a right hand. Strowman climbed up again but got knocked back down. Big Show held the cage and positioned himself. Braun climbed back up and hooked Show for a superplex that didn’t break the ring this time.

“Double reinforced ring, and it worked!” Michael Cole exclaimed.

Braun yelled and picked Big Show up to hit a running powerslam. 1-2-3 and Braun Strowman won in a very big way. But good lord wasn’t that top rope elbow drop from Big Show impressive?

After the match Braun grabbed a microphone and said after what he did to Big Show, you should see what he’s going to do to Brock Lesnar at No Mercy. He said he will become Universal Champion and that’s pretty believable at this point.

But Braun wasn’t done with Big Show because he picked up his limp body, yelled “time to send you to pasture, old man!” and launched Big Show through a very specific middle part of the cage facing the entrance ramp. The portion of the cage they stayed away from during their entire match gave way and Big Show was sent crashing to the floor.

As he fell Show bounced off the steel cage and was swarmed by medical staff. He seemed to be okay though.

But Braun didn’t seem to be done until he gets ahold of Brock Lesnar’s Universal Title.