It’s Monday Night Raw. Braun Strowman is in a dumpster match. Need we say more? This was all awesome. Let’s just get right into it.
We cut to the ring and Chris Jericho’s music hits. He comes down holding his list and looks confident for his match at Payback. Y2J is ready for his Highlight Reel and uses his rock n roll speaking voice to amp up the crowd. He said this is the last Highlight Reel on Raw because he’s going to beat KO at Payback and win the US Title and move over to SmackDown. He named dropped Southpaw Regional Wrestling in his promo too. That was awesome.
He eventually got the Friends Of Jericho “cheer me on maaaaan” line in there. Jericho said he was his very own guest on the last Highlight Reel.
He said KO looked like the baby of the hunchback of Notre Dame and Grumpy Cat, that was a neat line. Then Miz’s music missed it’s cue and Jericho had to say his line twice.
Miz came out and started talking some smack to Jericho. He said Raw is no longer Jericho. Now it’s Miz TV. HUGE “you suck” from the crowd and Miz said “I can’t possibly suck, I’m not from Kansas City” ouch. Insert heel heat here.
Jericho said he better watch it and really made us wait for the “it” but he instead said It Couple. That line was nice too. Miz began tearing down the ring using the actual stage hands.
They came out and tore it down right in front of us and around the wrestlers in the ring. That was nice. Miz didn’t get his intro to Miz TV out before Dean Ambrose’s music hit again. By the way, WWE needs to realize the only way they’ll get Roman his face appeal back is if they reunite The Shield. Now that all three former members are on the same brand, it could totally happen.
Dean ramped up the crowd with his wit and unique logic. He canceled Miz TV and the ring crew put up a makeshift set of the “Ambrose Asylum.” Dean was a great host. He insulted Miz and the back and forth was great.
Dean gave Jericho a suit jacket with Christmas tree lights on it to make up for the $15,000 jacket he previously destroyed. It was an awesome bit of business.
Then The Miz started talking some smack about Dean Ambrose because he just had to break up the fun. Miz started saying “no, no, no, no, no” and got the crowd to break out in “yes” chants. They really have that down to an art at this point. Dean ended up hitting Miz with a Dirty Deeds and Jericho put Maryse on The List. Maryse seemed pretty pissed about being on The List.
The Hardy Boyz are shown backstage wearing their nifty new t-shirts. They’re ready for action.
Sheamus vs Matt Hardy
Its time for Matt Hardy’s first singles match on Raw since his return. Let’s see how much of the Broken Matt Hardy persona has stuck around. During the entrance, he did the “delete” arm movement. Love that.
Matt Hardy tried to stick and move to start off with Sheamus. Hardy hit a neckbreaker on Sheamus and hit a trio of leg drops.
Matt Hardy showed a really big bit of Broken Matt with a big taunt with his arms outstretched and that crazy “Broken” look on his face. Matt hit Sheamus with a Side Effect on the apron at the end of a move reversal trade-off. Matt Hardy was on fire so far.
Sheamus ended up getting Matt down and hit Matt with the Ten Beats of the Bodhran. Sheamus then got up on the top rope and got a great aerial move on Matt.
Hardy hit Sheamus with a tornado DDT to get out of this bad situation. Matt did the Broken Matt taunt up and Michael Cole said Hardy was “firing up.” Hardy hit a couple more signature moves and really got the crowd going.
Sheamus looked like he was in trouble. The crowd broke out in huge “Delete!” chants. Then Sheamus hit Matt with a massive knee. Sheamus climbed to the top but his dive was reversed. Matt hit Sheamus with a rolling senton and then once they were getting in Jeff Hardy came up to check on Matt.
Cesaro got involved and distracted Sheamus. The Celtic Warrior turned around just in time to get a Twist Of Fate and lose the match. After the match the two formally respectful teams had a reason to actually want to fight their opponents. But Sheamus offered a handshake anyway.
Matt was conflicted and the crowd chanted “no.” Matt shook his hand and The Hardy Boyz music hit. It’s strange to have such of a respectful rivalry.
Kurt Angle is on the phone with someone talking about the dumpster match. As soon as he said “dumpster match” we laughed. Whoever was on the other end of the phone obviously hung up because Kurt kept saying “hello?” Even they think it’s a ridiculous match.
Miz and Maryse walked up and complained about ruining Miz TV. Kurt said they settle things in the ring. He told Miz to pick a tag team partner because he’ll be facing Y2J and DA later tonight. Wonder who would be Miz’s tag team partner?
Neville and TJ Perking vs Austin Aries and Jack Gallagher
It’s purple ring time! People need to be giving these matches more heat because these guys are some of the best workers on the roster. Gallagher came out with his umbrella in tow. You know it’s only a matter of time before someone destroys him with his own umbrella. The fact that he’s even using it to do that Mary Poppins dive should be an automatic DQ because he’s using it to aid in the punishment of his opponent.
The match got going fast and didn’t take too much of a tag format. The faces really got the jump on the heels. However, by the time the match came back from first commercial break the heels had taken over.
Gentleman Jack took some punishment in the middle of the ring. It sounded like Booker T called him “Skid Gallagher” when he said “this kid Gallagher.” Austin got the tag and started to kick TJP all over the ring. He went for Neville, but he threw him over the rope.
Aries moved faster than I could write and eventually hit both competitors with a suicide dive. It was insane. He moves so fast and it’s so fluid. He locked TJP in the Last Chancery. Jack hit a headbutt and Austin hit the Discus 5-Arm to get the win. It ended with Austin looking down at his opponent for Sunday’s Payback.
Braun Strowman vs Kalisto – Dumpster Match
It’s strange what it takes to make us unbelievably happy and a dumpster match with Braun Strowman just happens to be one of those things. Braun said everyone in the building is trash and when he stuffs Kalisto in a dumpster it will be like he’s dumping every one of them in there too. They cut back to Kurt Angle and he’s backstage with Kalisto. WWE tried to give off their best Angle and Eddie Guerrero feel to the exchange. Kalisto said he’s brave and Lucha.
Kalisto came out with a new look and music that was dubstep meets mall punk. Very nice.
Strowman continued to hit him with one punishing move after another. Then Braun picked him up and walked him over to the dumpster. But Kalisto hung on. Kalisto tried to pull Braun over the ropes and almost had him. Strowman had to throw him back into the ring to keep from falling in.
Braun figured Kalisto needed a little more softening up. Kalisto got his boy abused from pillar to post. Braun hit him with a massive chop to the chest to put the cherry on top.
Braun laid down forearms to the side of Kalisto’s face. Braun launched Kalisto over the rope but he held on again. Kalisto ended up squirming out of the press slam into the dumpster. Kalisto kicked Braun and Strowman fell into the dumpster. Standing in the dumpster that didn’t even go up to his knees.
Braun was pissed. The bell was rung and Kalisto won. Braun got in and beat the piss out of Kalisto. I thought that a dumpster match was only over when they closed the lid?
The people started chanting “We want Roman” or at least that’s what they were piping in. Braun threw Kalisto in the dumpster and actually closed the lid. He pushed the dumpster up the ramp with Kalisto inside and agents came down to stop Braun from doing what he was about to do. Braun lifted up the lid to make sure Kalisto had his seatbelt on and locked the lid of the dumpster so it didn’t fly open.
Then he pushed it off the side of the stage that was probably a foot and a half off the floor. It was nothing compared to the same bump Terry Fun and Mick Foley took back in the day. But they sold it like it was devastating.
When we get back from commercial they’re carrying Kalisto away on a stretcher. Wonder if Braun’s going to flip another ambulance. Kurt Angle was right next to the stretcher and looked worried great work GM, see what you did?!
During a Roman Reigns promo package, they made it seem like he was being cheered very heavily on the Raw after WrestleMania. That’s how amazing WWE is editing their promo videos. They only had him saying “this is my yard now” and that was it.
Bray Wyatt cut a creepy video package about Randy Orton and the mysterious House Of Horrors match. It was crazy open. He talked about rooms and nightmares. Makes us wonder if they’re finally using Michael Hayes’ idea that he had back in the day with The Hardys and The Brood.
Bray said with Randy’s pain and agony he will be reborn. He laughed and creeped us all out. It was awesome.
Dana Brooke vs Alicia Fox
This match happened. Dana Brooke still has a lot to learn. Alicia Fox controlled the match but very early on, Emma came down.
Dana took Alicia down and a clothesline and another block-looking hit. Dana go Alicia up and hit Alicia with “her version of the Michinoku driver.” Dana got the win. Afterward, Emma got in the ring and hugged Dana Brooke. It was all very confusing. People get, the story being told. People just don’t want it.
Samoa Joe and The Club are backstage and talked up their match later in the night against Enzo and Cass and Seth Rollins. Karl called Enzo a walking talking butt nugget. That was classy AF.
Samoa Joe said he’s coming for the rest of Seth’s ligaments. The all did the “too sweet” and went out there. Is Joe joining The Club? Zoinks! That would be sweet!
Enzo and Cass with Seth Rollins vs The Club with Samoa Joe
People still so into the Enzo and Big Cass gimmick. The Club jumped out of the crowd and attacked Enzo as Samoa Joe got a hold of Cass. They both beat down Enzo and Cass. Enzo got planted with a Magic Killer on the outside and refs gathered around Enzo. Rollins’ music hit and it was 3-on-1 at that point. Enzo just convulsed on the outside surrounded by referees. He looked like he took a bad bump.
Cass jumped back in and Rollins and Cass tried to keep The Club and Joe at bay by themselves. Kurt Angle came out and announced their new tag team partner since Enzo was unable to compete. Out comes Finn Balor.
Graves said Finn was staring at two members of his past when he looked at The Club. Finn chased Karl outside and put a couple boots to him. The rest of the competitors mixed it up. The match started and the faces lead by Cass took an early advantage.
Rollins got in and worked in tandem with Cass. Then Balor got the tag and started taking it to Gallows. Anderson got the tag and him and Balor traded moves. Then Joe got the tag.
Joe and Finn relived some of their NXT matches a little bit. Joe tagged out to Anderson and they kept up the punishment on Balor. Finn fought Karl, but they wouldn’t let him get the tag.
Gallows hit Finn with a huge side slam, then he kicked Cass off the apron. Seth ended up getting the tag from Balor and Seth started cleaning house.
Rollins hit a sling blade according to Cole, so he’s using Balor’s moves when Finn’s in the match. Cool. Seth threw everyone out of the ring and hit them all with a suicide dive.
Samoa Joe started messing with Seth’s knee and Finn ran in for the save. Seth thought about doing a pedigree but then hit Anderson with a crazy looking knee move to the face. Was that his rumored new finisher? Michael Cole said it was new. So we just need to figure out what it’s called now.
Alexa Bliss In-Ring Segment
Alexa Bliss is one of my favorite parts of all of wrestling at this point. She cut a great promo on Bayley and the crowd started saying “What” she up-upped the crowd by saying “if Alexa Bliss is the greatest say what” and the crowd said “what.” That was smart. She also said she thought she was going to vomit when she kept talking about Bayley.
The Hugger Of Huggers came out and started battling Bliss on the microphone. She said Bliss was always the kind of girl who would talk behind their back instead of saying it to their face. Bliss agreed. That was nice.
Bayley tried to hype up the crowd while wearing John Cena-looking colors. She mentioned Payback is in her hometown and Bliss said it’s going to be great to beat Bayley in front of her own father. It sounded super mean, but it was super adorable and equally vicious.
Bliss asked Bayley if she’s ever kissed a boy. She was being a real mean girl there. Suddenly Sasha Banks’ music hit and Bayley’s best friend came out to grace them with her presence.
Bliss said it was part 3000 of the Sasha/ Bayley Side Show. Alexa then asked Sasha if Bayley gets the notes Sasha packs in her lunch. It was funny. Banks said she’s going to shut Bliss up. Then she asked for the crowd’s opinion. The three girls were working the crowd as hard as they could.
Alexa said she’s going to Angle to have the match canceled. Bliss said she doesn’t feel safe in a ring with Sasha Banks. Then Banks proved her right by knocking her out of the ring.
Sasha Banks vs Alexa Bliss
Bayley was on the commentary booth and she really looked happy to be there. Bliss got the early advantage by jumping Sasha. Banks tried a comeback but Bliss knocked her back down hard.
Sasha started catching some running blows and a chop. Then she hit Alexa with the double knees in the corner. Bliss kicked out.
Suddenly Bliss gained the advantage only to be reversed by Sasha. Banks applied a Banks Statement hold but Bliss got to the ropes. Bliss rolled out of the ring and intentionally got counted out. Now that’s how you book a smart heel.
Bliss doesn’t need a match against Sasha Banks when she’s got a match against Bayley. However, Bayley didn’t let Bliss get away. She grabbed Bliss and tried to throw her back in the ring. But Alexa got free and ran to the back. Bayley turned around and Bliss ran back to nail her from behind. Then Sasha ran up to the top of the ramp to make the save.
Dean Ambrose and Chris Jericho were backstage. Dean asked Jericho to take him off The List. It was a hilarious exchange. They brought up the match they had with the thumbtack spot. Chris Jericho then took Dean Ambrose off The List by saying “you just unmade The List.” That was nice. Chris Jericho then wrote Dean’s name back on The List after Ambrose left.
Enzo and Cass vs The Club is announced for the kickoff show at Payback. Miz will also interview Finn Balor in a Miz TV segment.
Miz asked Heath Slater and Curtis Axel if they’ll be his tag team partner. Heath said he already had a partner and in walked Rhyno eating crackers. Maryse started getting mouthy and Rhyno offered her a cracker. She slapped the plate of crackers out of his hands.
Then Miz got handed a piece of paper and when he read it he said “it looks like I’ve got an awesome tag team partner.”
Curt Hawkins’ Star Factory
Curt Hawkins was in the ring and cut one of his Hawkinsrific promos. Apollo Crews accepted his Open Star Factory Challenge.
Hawkins tried to one-up Crews early on, but Hawkins ended up taking a few bumps for Apollo. Hawkins hit Crews but the ref made him back off because Apollo got in the ropes. Hawkins hit a suplex and got a two-count.
He grounded Apollo until he got up to his feet and hit a jumping kick. Apollo sold the punishment and Hawkins looked phased on the mat. Crews hit a flying clothesline and finished it off with a spinning powerbomb. 1-2-3 and Apollo Crews won the Star Factory Challenge.
Someone said, “speaking of coming, look who’s arrived” as Titus walked to the ring. He tried to raise Apollo’s arm in victory and posed with him. Crews looked confused. Titus took a selfie with Crews. It was very awkward.
So, who else wants 2K to put an option in the new video game where you can break the ring?
Miz and Angle were backstage. Miz said he’s found the perfect partner. The Drifter Elias Samson just walked by strumming his guitar. Kurt said, “good choice.” Miz said, “not him!”
That was neat. I hope they never book Elias Samson in a match and he just keeps wzndering the halls.
Chris Jericho and Dean Ambrose vs The Miz and ??????
Jericho came down wearing his nifty new jacket that Ambrose made for him. He looked quite dapper in it too. It didn’t light up, but that’s probably because he didn’t want to lug a car battery behind him. So, Y2J came down wearing a homemade jacket like that on the last Raw he’s booked at for possibly quite some time. Classic.
It didn’t take a rocket scientist to predict Kevin Owens was The Miz’s tag team partner. No music went go off the first couple of time The Miz tried to introduce his partner. Miz said his partner is late so they’re going to have to cancel the match. Miz said he was going to the back to check on things.
Then Kurt Angle came out and scolded Miz for not having a partner. He said whether his partner showed up or not he still had a partner. So Y2J started taking the pain to Miz. Dean joined in on the fun and they both ganged up on The Miz to throw him out of the ring after a short beat-down.
Jericho put the punishment to Miz and the A-Lister had a massive bruise on his leg. Wonder how he got that. It looked muy ouchie like he took one heck of a stiff kick or something.
Ambrose got the tag and hit Miz with a double ax-handle from the top. The crowd chanted “stupid idiot” as Miz kept taking punishment. He begged off but Ambrose didn’t accept his handshake. Miz slapped Ambrose and ran off.
Dean chased Miz around the ring, but Miz turned it around and Ambrose ended up going into the barricade and then he sent him into the apron. The crowd chanted for Ambrose as he tried to get back the advantage.
Miz hit Ambrose with some “Yes Kicks” but Ambrose rolled out and Miz missed the first kick. Ambrose ended up getting a tag off to Jericho and Chris came back in to hit Miz with all he had.
Jericho landed a Lionsault, but wasn’t able to catch a Codebreaker. Miz rolled out and retreated up the ramp. Ambrose ran up and blindsided Miz. Ambrose cleared off the announce table. But just as Ambrose was about to hit a Dirty Deeds on the table, the lights went all “Wyatt” and Bray appeared behind him on the table. Well, that’s quite a shock.
Bray destroyed Dean Ambrose… because he could. They then turned their attention to Chris Jericho. Jericho hit Miz with a codebreaker as soon as they got in the ring. Bray then hit Jericho with a quick Sister Abigail and then did his creepy upside down pose.
The bell never rang, but the match was obviously over. Bray beat both faces down even though he’s facing Randy Orton at Payback. But it’s a strange situation with KO and RKO aren’t on the same brands as two guys in the main event. WWE did what they could.